★,｡･:*jaedo one shots ･:*:･ﾟ★

k.dy x j.jh ; see you again (fluff/tw)

doyoung
I carefully took one step into the large, old building that I called my school. I wasn't even sure if I could still call it my school. My heart was beating faster than usual. I only met a few students on the way to the principals office, but everyone suddenly looked away or whispered something to their friends, as soon as they discovered me, like I wouldn't realize it. I had hoped nobody would remember me, but what did I exspect? I could try to kill myself in school, leave the school because I was sent to the psychiatry, where I spent a whole year and then just come back to school, hoping nobody would notice me? Maybe that was a bit too much to expect. I started walking faster because more and more people discovered me. Before my suicide attempt, nobody knew me. Nobody would look at me. That only proved, that someone first gets interesting, when he or she does something like I did. Nobody could ever imagine how much I hated every single person on this school. Except from him, but I wouldn't think about him now. I stopped myself from wondering if he still visited this school, because I know this harmless thougts would change into something deeper and I knew, that I didn't want that to happen on my first day back at school. It took five minutes to do the formal stuff, because I just had to give the principal some papers. When he said that I'm free and could go into the classroom now, I bowed down, formed a "thanks" with my lips and left the room.
Deep inside I had known that this would happen, but I wasn't ready that it would be this hard to see him again. I discovered him on the way to the classroom. He and his friends came into the school and everyone made space for them. Everyone knew that both of us were gay and in a relationship, before I was sent to the psychiatry, but nobody knew what happened to us after that. But I did and all the suppressed pain about what he did suddenly came up again, only by looking into his face. He first noticed me when his friend stopped him and inconspicuously pointed at me. He turned his head around and his eyes met mine. It was like the time stayed still for a moment. Everyone stopped their conversations, didn't move and watched, like we were in a movie. And to be honest, I wish I would be, because in movies everything has a happy end. But this wasn't a movie, it was the real life. I couldn't name the expression on his face. Happiness? Fear? Relief? Sadness? Or maybe everthing? I shook my head. I didn't care what he felt now or what he felt when he left me alone. I turned around and walked into the other direction, against the stream of people until I reached a lonely floor. I knew nobody would be here, because the first lesson starts in about ten minutes, so nobody would search for me. I may hadn't been here for months, but I still knew this school very well. I walked fast because I didn't want anyone to follow me, but I started walking slower when I reached a stairway. I knew which stairway it was. There was a little sign, on which was written, that it was forbidden to get on the roof as a student. But I ignored it so many times, nobody would mind if I didn't care one more time. I slowly walked upstairs, step by step. I pressed down the door handle and it opened with an unpleasant noise. I went outside and closed the door behind me. Bleakness sneaked into every vein of my body and I stopped thinking about my family or people who may love me, people I could hurt. I climbed on the grid. He left me alone one year ago. I wanted him to know how much he broke my heart.
Psychiatry didn't help me, I just acted like it did. Suicidal thoughts were still a big part of my life, so why shouldn't I just let this part win, for the first and the last time?

jaehyun
When I first discovered his face, I couldn't realize that it was really Doyoung. I didn't want to. I hated it, that everyone stared at us in that moment. Nobody except from me and Doyoung knew what happened and he was right, when he was angry and hurt. I hated myself for being like I had been to him. I should've been a better boyfriend. I could name so much more reasons why I was a bad person, a bad friend, a bad boyfriend. But before I could, I saw Doyoung turning around and walking away. I wanted to scream his name, but I decided to take the less embarrassing way. I turned my head around to my friend, who slightly nodded and I gave him a little smile. People's eyes followed me, when I walked in the same direction he did. In that moment, so much selfhate came up inside myself, but I made it to only think about Doyoung now. This is not about you, I thought. Busy in my thoughts I didn't notice where I was going until I stood at the stairway to the roof, looking up to the closed door. My eyes opened wide suddenly, when I realized what he was doing. I ran upstairs and opened the door. I swallowed. He sat on the grid and there was nothing he hold onto. He could fall every moment. "No", I whispered, standing there and looking at his back for a few seconds, before I realized what he was about to do. I quickly ran to him to wrap my arms around him and pull him away from the grid. He let out a scream and punched my arms, that were still wrapped around him. He knew that it was me who just saved him from doing something stupid. "Go away. I don't want to see you ever again, I hate you, I hate you so fucking much", he screamed and I let him. I knew he didn't mean what he said. I let him down, turned him around and pulled him into a hug. He hit my chest without power im his arms, because crying took too much of his energy. "I hate you", he breathed. "I know." I stroked his head, running my hands through his hair. "Have you ever wondered how it felt? Thinking there is a person you can always count on, who never would let you down, who would do anything for you. But then this person proves you wrong and everything you've ever believed in just fades until there is nothing anymore you can hold on. I want to die, did you ever care about that?", he sobbed. He leaned his head on my shoulder, tears were running down his face. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I wasn't able to see him. My heart broke everytime I saw him into more little pieces. I've just realized how egoistic that was. "Believe me, I thought about you everyday. It was hard to not see, hug or kiss you everyday, but I surely still can't imagine how you felt and trust me, I'm so sorry. I don't even deserve your attention now. I don't worth any of your tears. You don't have to forgive me, but please remember that I loved you every second and I will always love you", I whispered. He slowly lifted his head and looked at me, with his red eyes, full of tears. "Are you serious?" I brushed away his tears and slightly nodded. "You don't deserve that...", he breathed and I wondered what he meant, until he gently laid his lips on mine. I felt like everything exploded inside of me, feeling his lips after such a long time. He gently laid his hands on my neck and run his finger through my hair, sighing in relief. I smiled into the kiss brightly. He softly let go from me and looked into my eyes. "I love you. Forever."