bad habits - brandon arreaga

1.5

im on an airplane writing this and i hate flying so much. so much anxiety.
sophie

the boys had a shoot for one of their new songs today, so i took it upon myself to have some time with mom and abuela. i walked from the recording studio to the cafe. "hola nina!" abuela hugged me with a genuine smile. "feels like i haven't seen you in forever eh?"

"si abuela, i'm sorry." i admit. i really don't want to make excuses by talking about brandon because they already don't exactly love him. i understand that though, i wouldn't either if it were my daughter. i look behind abuela and see my beautiful mother. "ma." i walk over and engulf her into a warm hug.

we all sit at a table with enchiladas and salads, ma talks about the record label and all the new artists they're signing. abuela talks about how busy the cafe has been. when it gets to me all i can speak of is the cover shoot i did and how i have to finish the music production on the film very soon. "i can book you a room at the studio that you can use and produce." ma offers, tucking a strand of her bold brunette locks behind her ear-women in this family just don't age.

"i'd love that, thanks ma."

when lunch is over i head over to the boy's home. they live in the suburbs of santa monica, so close to the beach that the air smells of salt. their home and i can tell my the cars parked outfront. i knock on the door and edwin opens it for me, not speaking much but just wordlessly letting me in. i might be crazy but there is an unfamiliar tension through the home.

i go up to brandons room, and as i walk down the hall i hear laughter- female laughter coming from the room. instantly i know what's about to go down because my heart is no stranger to the pain of loving brandon. i give a soft knock and open the door. their making out, half naked, music plays. brandons head shoots up to mine and his eyes aren't even recognizable.  this situation is so familiar, all i do is simply turn around and go downstairs. zions there playing fortnite but the game means nothing to him in this moment. he wraps his arms around me and hugs me like always when anything happens with brandon.

"we tried getting his mind straight but he is just out of his head." zion simply explains. the thing is i have done nothing wrong. everything has been so good and thats why i gave it a last chance because i saw how good it would be, the way brandon had grown to me is apparently less then what i thought he had. the tears pour quietly and zion just hugs me patiently.

  moments later the girl that brandon was making out with took a walk of shame down the stairs. i feel bad, she probably had no clue. she just mumbles a sorry and sees her way out. brandon is next to walk ungratefully down the stares. he looks to me then zion and scoffs. "of course you go to fucking him." he is almost growling.

"zion has nothing to do with you and the girl you were just with." i defend my friend. no longer do i want to cry, but scream with anger.

"no zion has everything to do with it, and so does jack because apparently you fuck them on you're side time." i scrunch my eyebrows at the unfamiliar statement which only makes him more infuriated. "stop acting like you don't know sophie god damn your so oblivious!"

i stand up and shake my head. "i have done nothing with either of them. they're your best friends and i don't like them brandon. why can't you just talk to me instead of fucking. around with other girls!" i yell with all the past hatred i've had for him.

brandons eyes are black, and it's scary when i focus on them. he pushes me back, huffing and puffing in my face. "fuck sophie i don't know," he gets so close to my face i can practically taste the girl on him. then in a cold deep whisper he says, "just tell me how much more fucked i am."

i shake my head. i refuse this. i take a step back and just shake my head. "talk to me when you have it figured out." i go home and cry.