In the Meantime - A Fade Retelling of Red Queen

Chapter 8 - Past Kissing

A/N: During Glass Sword chapter 10. Referring to the canon Bright Shadow short story.

She pulled away from Shade's kiss. His following gasp was more felt than seen in the early night in the woods. Farley felt tree bark in her back and smelled the pines around them in the clearing filled with shadows. The place gave her a pleasurable shiver, and woke want in her. Or was that rather due to the air she shared with Shade, and to his hands laying on her curves between her hips and waist? It was like his hands were made to touch her there. She didn't want him to let go, she wished the fingers she was sure went under her shirt explored her further.

Her own hands rested on his chest, feeling the bandage on his shoulder as well as his heartbeat. It was hard to make out his face in the twilight, but she saw that even now his eyes gleamed under his frown, and the way he chewed on his lips made her desire to kiss him again.

Gently, she shoved him away.

He stepped back, carefully balancing on his good leg as he reached beside her – almost, but not quite touching her – to grab his crutch. She moved aside a little while her gaze rested on him.

Eyebrow quirked, he asked, "am I that bad a kisser?"

She bit her – still swollen – lip, shaking her head. Hands in her pockets, she said, "we don't have time for this," and turned to bend down for her rifle. "We're here to scout."

She walked slowly to let him follow her easily. Instead she heard, "not even time to finish our conversation?"

Her head spun to him.

"Aghast?" he prompted, crossing his arms as good as possible with the crutch.

She snorted and turned forward again.

"What?"

She shook her head and sighed, letting her body relax a little. "I meant what I said," she claimed, lightly, although she'd proposed to continue that talk. Now, she couldn't imagine to say something less vague than her "maybe I want to follow you too" from back on the mersive.

Was that enough? Damn, why is it harder to speak than to kiss? Inwardly, she chided herself for this.

When she finally glanced at him again, he seemed amused, although stumbling behind her. He kept on well enough, watching their left and right as they should. Before their eyes could met, her gaze spun away. He must've understood then, she thought. So why bother.

"But to relieve you," she said aloud, "you aren't a bad kisser, I'd know. My first kiss was absolutely horrible." In the silence that followed, she could hear his gait, likely accelerating a little. The corner of her mouth twitched into a smile he couldn't see. "We were both 13, I think," she continued. "It was some game or bet at a village fête and he, Ralf, gave his all, really." She looked around and raised her eyebrows suggestively. "But no help, it didn't work out at all." She cackled. "I hope I've improved by now? I don't know about Ralf, though, if he ever got over from his first kiss disaster." She had to pause here, although she hadn't intended to touch this topic in the beginning. She had just felt like talking to Shade, about things she hadn't told anyone, not for ages or not ever, only to wonder where her words had strayed to.

She didn't want to dance around those memories any longer either.

"He can't improve anymore," she murmured. "He died when the Lakelander king flooded our village. Almost everyone I knew did, like my mother and sister." And thus everyone I loved.

She didn't stop in her tracks, her eyes straight ahead in a very unprofessional manner. But she couldn't look at Shade just now. The wound on her cheek throbbed again, her face and eyes burned. "Don't worry about me, though," she added, "the girlfriend I had later on taught me better, and she – "

Unlike her, Shade had stopped, she saw when glancing over her shoulder. "Hey," she said, "we have to go on."

"How can you go on?" he asked, wrought up.

"Eh?"

"You father, the colonel, he locked you up. Tried to drug you, although you're the only family he's left?" His eyes shone eagerly, but he halted as she strode toward him. It almost amused her, that it was still so easy to discourage with a committed gait. That wasn't her intention though. She slowed close before him, lifting her hand to pat his shoulder. She hesitated at the last inch, but touched him nonetheless, with him leaning into her touch with a softening face as the result.

He placed his hand on hers. "Diana – "

She smiled wrily. "I guess we've lost each other, too," she admitted. "And he's disappointed in me, of course. Rightly so. I'm disappointed by myself too."

Shade frowned. "We've talked about this."

"Yes, but – "

"No!" he insisted and she winced. He released a breath. "I mean you're right. We should go on." She blinked as Shade, with efforts to hold on to the crutch, took both of her hands. "We have to go on. To keep fighting, right?"

She nodded.

He leaned closer still, so their foreheads touched. Welcoming it, she closed her eyes.

"We will keep on fighting," he repeated quietly, "but whenever you doubt, you can talk to me. I want you to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"Not just with battle plans."

That stung, and quieted her. But he waited for her answer, his fingers playing with hers. She sighed. "I don't know how to talk about some things," she confessed eventually. She paused, once more, searching for his eyes, which were on the same height as hers, in more than one way. "Foolish, isn't it?" She grinned joylessly.

His demeanor changed ever-so-slightly, but in combination, it spoke clearly, of the encouragement she craved. One of Shade's hands let go and cupped her face instead.

I love you, she thought.

Never stop doing this, she wished.

His voice sounded rough when he spoke again. "It isn't foolish," said he, "I understand that. I understand you. I mean, I'm trying." He cleared his throat and blushed. "But I hope, um, to understand you better still."

She took his hand away from her face and kissed him lightly. "Thank you," she breathed into his ear. Then she smirked, tucked her hair behind her ear, and urged him to go on scouting.

He followed her, with a chuckle reverbeatng through the woods.