I frowned looking at my phone right beside me.
Should I call her?
Then I remembered what Ethan told me last time. I need to fix this. If I want her, if I love her, if I don't want to lose her, then I must explain. I must find a way for her to trust me once again.
I made a stupid mistake. I was not sure that I was the father but I chose to directly break her. I'm sorry Vanessa, you don't deserve this.
I took a deep breath and called her.
Please answer..
My heart started beating fast when I heard a loud sigh from the other line. She answered my call.
"Nessa..." Tears started falling once again.
"What do you want?" I can feel the pain inside me when I heard her voice, it was so cold. This is totally not her. I miss her sweet and cute voice. I miss everything about her. "Answer me."
"Let me explain..." I can't speak what the heck?!
"If you're going to explain more about what had happened last time. I don't want to know. I don't want to listen to your lies. I'm so tired. I love you so much but I don't like hurting myself. I always think about of you and your feelings, have you ever thought about mine?" her voice cracked.
Yes. I always think about you. And that's why I told you immediately about what had happened when I was suddenly gone. I didn't want you to suffer that much. And now, I regret my decision. I'm so stupid.
"I.." I can't speak!! What the heck is going on with me?!
"You don't have anything to say? Then I'm going to end this call. You're wasting my time. I want this to be our last phone call, and I don't want you continue bothering me. I don't care about your explanations, you did it already. I don't need more lies." This time, I can tell she's crying but her voice is still cold. I hate this.
"Vanessa. Please, listen to me." Finally I can speak but why can't I explain to her immediately?!
"I did. But you're not even saying anything. If you want to explain, then why can't you do it? Can't think of more lies?"
I'm not lying...
"Vanessa. I.. I." sht.
"You know what? Just stop. It's okay if you won't explain anymore, I understand, but that doesn't mean I forgive you. You know that was a big mistake. I know you would never do that on purpose but I can't force you to be with me, and me to be with you. I just can't. It's hard but we should now move on. I'm moving to another country now, with Roni. This is part of moving on and I want to make a change. And you.. You should also focus on your family now, Take care of yourself. I.. Iloveyou."
and she hung up.
I didn't even get to say "I love you too." I didn't even get to apologize and tell her my side. I didnt even get to tell her I'm not a father. That it was just lies.
I want to call her again but I'm afraid she'll get mad at me and will never talk to me anymore. I'll probably should just let her move on. And me too. I need to move on and.. Just focus on myself.
I love you Vanessa. I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope we'll fix this soon.
A/N: Hello, I'm back :) hope you guys are still reading this lol.
