Mortal Fantasy

✴｜chapter thirteen

I pull the dark sapphire hood down over my eyes, take in a breath, and emerge from the orchard.

Getting out of the palace would have been impossible, if it weren't for Adlyn—she had shown me one of the lesser used service passages, led me into the darkened early morning. Avoiding the golden bloods and the commonly used roads hadn't been simple—it took me near an hour to reach Barthamieu's prized grape orchard, from which he makes the finest wine among the common kingdom. The sapphire cloak is meant to stand out—if Meir sees me amongst the leaves, he certainly won't overlook it.

I can only hope that he is working the tavern today; my best chance is through the small back orchards, when he comes out to collect the dried grapes.

My legs ache from crouching so long, but I have to be sure it is Meir before I reveal myself. Explaining my presence to the others would be complicated, not to mention dangerous enough—for them and myself. Meir and the other prominent men of the kingdom have been quietly creating a resistance, and if they attack the palace while news of the prince's death is still new, the angels will have little time to mobilize to defend the Crown.

Could things really change? Could I be that tipping point?

"...no, I'll be right in, I looked at them yesterday."

I tense, ducking lower into the narrow lane between the grapevines. When I risk a glance between the tangling vines of the orchard, I catch a shock of unmistakable snow-blond hair, and surge to my feet abruptly.

"Meir!" I whisper as loudly as I can, pulling down the hood. "Meir!"

His body snaps toward the sound, taut as a bowstring, and his eyes are vividly blue as they land on me. His brow pulls together, and he stands unmoving, squinting into the distance.

Does he think I'm some sort of hallucination? I purse my lips and slowly walk back through the row, towards the edge of the forest. Maybe a few yards away from me, Meir begins mirroring my path, walking back through the row and not taking his eyes off of me for even a moment.

The second the grapevines open into the edge of the forest, he takes brisk steps toward me, and I am suddenly conscious of my thundering pulse.

"Meir—"

He pulls me into an embrace so tight that I gasp into his chest. Once I feel suppressed tears biting at my eyes, I grip him closer and bury my face into his white shirt, breathing in the familiar dusky scent of ripened wine and windblown grass. Maybe we are still too vulnerable, even basked in the shadows of the towering foliage, but all I can think is that my heart aches for him and that he is home.

"Gods," Meir says, a sound between a laugh and a rasp as he holds me at arm's length to look me over. "I—I thought you were a ghost, Ithena, how did you even—what—"

"I'll explain everything," I whisper, slipping my hands along his face, and his gaze drops into conflicted emotion, his fingers sliding over mine. "But you have to promise to tell no one, at least not immediately. I have a plan."

* * * * *

"...You're telling me you'll kill him."

Meir purposely does not pronounce it as a question, and I take a deep breath before relaxing back upon the grass. "Yes."

We are atop a hill overlooking the vast lake. It used to be our meeting place when we were younger; I, after my shift at the tavern and apprenticeship at the apothecary, and he, after his apprenticeship under Yugr, the blacksmith. Meir had often taught me how to wield weapons on this hill, despite his initial stubbornness and claims that I'd only hurt myself. I wasn't too bad with a blade, but ever since Yugr had given me his prized pure silver dagger, it had been my favorite weapon.

Now, tucked along my thigh, it only brings along a sense of foreboding—for what I use it will probably be my last time.

Meir lets out a long sigh, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and leaning his elbows back against the grass. "I know you plan on seducing him, Ithena..."

My fingers curl in the grass. He certainly doesn't like that idea.

He turns his gaze to me, a deep ache present in the refracting sapphires of his eyes. "But it'll be dangerous," he murmurs. "I never expected that he wouldn't..." He grits his teeth. "Even if you manage to get close enough, the golden bloods will kill you right after. Is suicide the only way?"

"Don't act as if I haven't given this thought," I mumble, averting my eyes. "My maid will come to you—she knows exactly when I'd leave—and you'd gather the resistance. Of course I would try to escape... but..."

There is a fleeting sadness in Meir's expression. "I knew it," he says. Sitting up a bit, he trails one hand into my hair, peers into me with an unnerving sincerity. "Your life isn't something to just be tossed away. I know how important it is, but... reconsider. Don't do it. Come back to us—come back to me, and we'll figure this out together."

"You know just how important it is," I object softly, leaning into his touch. I don't want to encourage him—it is unlikely I will see him after today—but weeks of longing prompt me to do so, one last time. "I promise I'll try. But that would be the real turn of battle, Meir... killing the Crown Prince. He's one of the most formidable of the angels, and I... I don't care. If that will make this work, and people don't have to keep being taken anymore..." I swallow. "Anything is better than that. I will do everything to make our freedom possible."

Meir studies me, two sides seeming to war against each other, before he gives way. "I... fine." He sits up and rubs the back of his neck; he doesn't look at me. "I just don't think you realize how much you really..."

I stand—I won't let him finish the sentence, because it is not possible. Even so, I cast one last look at him, wring my hands together in an effort to stop them from reaching out to him.

I love you. My throat bobs—I try to force the words out of my mouth. I...

Meir's hands tighten into fists, and he turns. "Ithena—"

I hear him, but I have already walked away, back along the edge of the forest. I fist a hand against my chest, trying to dispel the ache that festers there.

It's for the best, I try to convince myself.

I could only hurt him...

...Right?