Our Little Secret

"Cop car outside my apt what do I do mom", "dont answer the door."

An alarm sounded outside my apartment building. Today I spent time with my great grandmother. We watched tv together and we would spend time talking and attempting to communicate. She taught me Spanish early on as a child, but when I moved away I focused on it less and soon forgot.

Times like this I realize how special these little moments were, moments I'll never be able to have back.

Startled, I walked out of my great grandmothers bottom floor apartment (under her supervision of course), to a cop car outside.

A detective in the local police department parked himself outside the building. It wasn't often my father swung by mid work with his cop car. During his weekends he would sometimes have to go into work, which was okay because I would spend more time with my grandmother, grandfather, and great grandmother. There was always someone around me, it was sweet.

Today he was able to show me around his job. I met some of his coworkers, got to tour the station and a cell (it was a large station, or maybe I just was very small), and sit at his desk as he did some paperwork for the end of the night. It was probably one of the coolest things I've experienced when I was very young.

I got to sneak peak the future of what I got to see myself as I grew older and got reckless on my own.

At one point in my life he gave me pins of his, little mini detective badges. Holding them and having them on me, I felt just a little bit closer to him. We would go watch movies on his time off in the cinema, listen to loud music together, and he would let me go to sleep late after watching movies on tv and hanging out all night. Some nights we would sit outside our home and spend time with our neighbors hanging out who were also outside.

Besides old memories, I don't really know my father. I just know I love him. Throughout all we've been through I know I always will. He was called in as a responder for 9/11, he's saved lives and seen more horrors then I can imagine. Maybe one day he'll tell me about it. He's been through a lot, and sometimes would hug me tight and just hold me, and I held him back; because I knew there was just a lot going on. I wouldn't understand then. I still don't understand now. I wish I did.
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