Nathan is looking to be more and more difficult. He literally doesn't care.
I'm here looking like an idiot trying to be perfect. I try to always have my hair done, makeup, and that I'm wearing my roshes all the time.
I'm the type to do my hair for you. My makeup and everything to get your attention.
I'll fucking do it. Especially for Nathan. Nathan deserves a perfect girl. I'm not perfect. Im not perfect at all. I try to be. I act like I am. Just for him. He doesn't deserve to have a girl that is sad and insecure all the time. He deserves a girl that is happy and confident.
He deserves a girl that can give him everything.
I feel like waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this dought useless and disappointing. There's no end to this. It sucks to love someone so much it hurts. I honestly don't know how I'm surviving this. This war going back and fourth trying to figure out what to do with you.
You're like a never ending maze of confusion. I get lost in your eyes the way you look at me when we laugh about something that makes no sense which makes so much sense to me.
I think I'm in love with him. I'm scared he's one day gonna slowly walk away because I'm not perfect.
This is a never ending fear for me.
I can't believe im actually scared.
I'm actually scared to lose Nathan.
Nathan means so much to me. If I lose him i don't know what I'm of myself.
I'm so in love with Nathan. The thought of one day him actually not being with me brings tears to my eyes.
I actually wanna be with him.
I've wanted to be with guys before. And I used to crave them all the time. I crave Nathan more than crave desire.
I desire Nathan so much god bless.
I just sit in my room for hours just thinking of never ending ways of being with him. Sadly those never ending dreams are just lies.
I'm lying to myself. How could I possibly believe Nathan actually wants me. Nathan doesn't wanna me. Nathan doesn't want anybody. What if Nathan still wants Chantal?! What if Chantal still wants Nathan?!
That'll break me to pieces. I'll actually have to pretend even more to be happy. Especially for them.
It's scary.
What if Chantal tells me and saids she loves me when really she's trying to slowly win back Nathan.
Now I don't even know if I can trust Nathan.
YOU ARE READING
Battle rage
SpiritualI've learned, that maybe the look he gave me wasn't the look I thought it was. maybe It was just a lock of friendship. I've learned to move on. I've learned that life isn't going to be fair. Even if you try in all your power to make it fair. It will...
