new мaĸnae/ j.jĸхвтѕ

3

Jungkook

I woke up and thought I had heard voices talking. I looked around my room and found my phone. I turned it on and saw it was 3 in the morning. No one would be up at this time. 

I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so I got up and would go to practice. I packed a bag and got dressed in a black sweatshirt that goes down past mid-thigh and a pair of black skinny jeans with my black vans, a black beanie, and a black mask. 

I walked downstairs and filled my water bottle with water. I was going to get a snack for before practice but I heard a voice whisper in my ear, "Don't eat fatty," I turned around and didn't see anyone. 

I whispered, "Who's there."

"I'm Ana. I'm your friend, Jungkook. Don't worry, I'm just helping you get into shape because you're on the fatter side, "I heard the female voice whisper into my ear again.

I looked around again and didn't see anyone. I brushed it off and walked out of the kitchen. I walked to the door and walked outside into the cold crisp morning air. I started to walk to BigHit.

"I'll help you, Jungkook. I'll show you how to be skinny like all the Idols. You can be one of them, "She whispered again. 

"I can show you how to eat right, how to be skinny, how to get skinny and how much fat to lose before you are skinny," She went on. 

I got to the building and made my way to the practice room. I connected my phone to the speakers and pressed shuffle on my playlist. 

I don't know how long I had been practicing but I was knocked out of my trance of dancing when I heard the door of the practice room open. I stopped in my place and saw my hyungs. They looked surprised to see me.

"Jungkook, why the hell are you here, and why the hell is it so cold in here, "Namjoon almost yelled.

"I couldn't fall asleep after I woke up this morning, "I said looking down feeling like I was being shamed.

After a few minutes of them glaring at me we started to practice. We practice vocals after almost 3 hours of dance practice with short breaks each hour. Practice for us had started at 7. I was here for 4 hours when it only felt like 4 minutes.

We were going back to dance practice when BangPD-Min stopped us on our way to the studio."Jungkook could I have a word with you in my office for a moment please, "He said motioning me to his office.

I nodded and followed him. We got to his office and he had me sit in the chair in front of his desk.

"Jungkook today you can leave practice early because I saw you practicing last night and when I got here this morning one of the security guards told me you had been here since 3:30 this morning. Go to your dorm and sleep," he said. 

  I got up and nodded. I walked out of the office and to the ground level of the building. I went to the front desk and asked the lady to get me a car to the dorm. She called one of the drivers and I went home. 

I walked to my room and took a shower before going to bed. 

"You freak, you killed your parents and now you live with your grandma, why don't you die," a kid yelled at me as I walked down the halls of the school. 

"Your worthless, useless, and no one loves or cares about you!" another yelled.

"You faggot, why don't you just die. No one would care if you did!" someone else yelled.

"Kill yourself already!" another yelled. 

I walked out of the school and to my house at the end of the school day. It was like any other day. Kids yelling at me, others hitting me, and others spit at me. 

I walked into the house and said hello to my grandmother. Junghyun will be home in about 15 minutes. I walked to my room and shut my door behind me. 

I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the red lines going across them. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes wanting to poor over. 

I could feel my body crashing with the hatred it had for its self. Why am I like this? Why am I a freak? I walked to my bathroom and look out the thing that gives me the most release. I took out the shinning metal. 

I looked at it in my hand. I turned it over. I use this almost every day. I felt the cold metal. I felt the hot tears running down my face. 

I ran the cold metal across my wrist 1 time, 2 times, 3 times. I had so many tiny lines on my arm. I was afraid to make them to deep afraid they would get infected, or not stop bleeding. Why do I want to die yet scared to die? 

I heard the door open. I looked at the door and saw my hyung standing there with a sad look on his face. 

"Kookie why do you do this, why are you hurting yourself, I love you grandma loves you, "He had tears running down his face.

"Come here let's clean them so they don't get infected," He motioned for me to get up and walk to the sink. He cleaned them and wrapped them in a bandage. 

He walked me to my room and laid me on my bed. He laid next to me and held me in his arms not wanting to let me go.