Hearts in Zenith (Four Husbands and a Lover)

80. To the Very Heart of the Matter

Forget the masquerade! In the frenzy of the Tigress' arrival, only my trusted officers would come to see me. Like Miccola. The spies would be frying their brains watching Vanozza or the troops' movement. They wouldn't care for what the bed-ridden Ismar was doing.

I ripped the stupid linens off and went to stand under the water cistern, delighting in chilly water. I scrubbed off every bit of the pricey, useless gunk from my skin. A nearly weightless cotton shift felt wonderful after the crusty bandages, even if it clung to my wet body. I dashed back into the tent and dove into bed from a running start, burrowing under the blankets.

Something moved in the corner, in the shadows.

I pounced out of my blanket cocoon, seizing my dagger from under my pillow.

Nirav was lucky I recognized his cedar-and-berries smell mid-strike.

"You'll make a half-decent scout, but a lousy assassin," I said and lowered the blade from Nirav's pulsating throat.

His knees gave out. He landed on my bed so heavily that were I injured in truth, I'd be biting back screams. Since I wasn't an invalid, I pushed myself away from his hunched back. Curse my rash choices!

Nirav knitted fingers fell apart, leaving the blanket he gripped as he fell crumpled.

"You were not struck by an arrow in the chest, and the spear did not go through your thigh," he mumbled without lifting his head.

I sat bolt upright. "No. What else did Soffika tell you?"

It was his turn to straighten up in surprise. His hands trembled in his lap. "That... that you won't betray Idezza."

I could see his profile, the tousled curls, the neurotic knots in his shoulders. He came to me seeking comfort, not to set the account straight.

"I won't go back on the contract I signed with you. I would do what I must do to see Tigress choke on Idezza," I said as softly as I could. "When you have lesser numbers, Duke—like you and me—and a larger army is bearing down on you, a ruse and a swift victory is the best bet."

He whimpered.

I went on with my cooing, "But if I cannot break her, I need to know that you are prepared to survive a siege. Because if I lose on the battlefield, your only hope is that her stores are exhausted before yours. Or that the Divines send a wasting disease on her troops."

He whimpered again, making me wonder if he was fighting back tears. "Yes... yes, they told me that. I was working towards it for months. I thought I was ready. But now... by Yansara's light, I'm scared, Ismar. I... I didn't know it would be so... so..."

"Scary?" I supplied the word with a smile. I knew exactly how he felt. I had that knowledge for longer than he was alive. But when fear grips you for the first time, you feel like you are the only person who has ever felt that way. It's the same with love. "War is scary, my Duke. It's also thrilling."

He did not reply. His gaze lingered on his hands in his lap. His fingers coiled and uncoiled like a swarm of snakes.

I threw a blanket over his shoulders. After a moment's hesitation, I left my arms there as well, draped over him. Sometimes being warm helped. "Duke, I need you to keep doing what you've been doing. I need you to be an inspiration for the citizens of Idezza."

Nirav nodded, his eyes downcast. "Don't you think I know that? And I'm trying... I'm trying."

His dejected pose touched a cord in my chest. "I would have sent you away from Idezza with my family if you had asked."

To my surprise, he laughed, though not merrily. "Ismar, they used to say I killed my sister in my mother's womb. That I had poisoned it for Soffika too."