If I Stay » Parker

what he meant

four;
what he meant.

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WHAT HE MEANT when he uttered those three words was something so incomprehensible yet exceedingly touching. Words that I never knew held so much power easily knocked me down, leaving me breathless and craving for more. The way he was able to reach into the deepest parts of my soul and make them come alive again was miraculous, and when he told me he loved me, I was surprised my heart didn't stop.

As our time went on, I felt myself opening up to him, the most vulnerable parts of me available. Most people tend to take advantage of vulnerability, but not him. Instead, he took my vulnerability with open arms, cradling it and protecting it, never to harm it. And I did the same for him. It was a beautiful dance of lovers; one step towards his heart, one step towards mine, all in perfect rhythm and sync to create a wonderful masterpiece.

People fall in and out of love every single day. It's part of human nature, it's part of life. However, I never realized I wanted that. Love was the farthest thing from my mind when I thought about what I hoped my future would hold. For I was always just Addie, the girl who thought about my violin, or the next time I would be able to get dinner with Clara, or whether or not a letter from Juilliard was waiting for me when I got home from school each day. And as soon as I started adding Peter to that list, everything changed.

Yes, people fall in love, it's nothing new. But I wasn't looking for love. But when it came, it came completely unexpectedly. It was new and foreign and I wasn't used to it, so at first, I wanted to run. But then, every time I would look at his eyes, or his hand would hold mine, or his lips would touch my own, my feet would falter. My path would become unclear, and I suddenly didn't want to run any more.

He had a complete hold on me, and I couldn't escape; I didn't want to. It was astonishing, for I couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment he became so important to me. It was like watching a snowstorm outside my window; each snowflake fell into a particular spot so delicately, but I didn't realize how they were adding up. And then all of a sudden, the entire lawn, the driveway, even the window I was looking out of were covered in snow, and it finally hit me.

I wouldn't say I slowly fell in love. Instead, I would say I waited and waited and waited until one day, I decided to jump. I was terrified, completely afraid of the outcome and what it would feel like when I hit the bottom. But I never hit the bottom. Instead, I saw his face, and suddenly I was floating, feeling like I was walking on a cloud or living in my wildest dreams. That's when I finally realized that I was in love.