If I Stay » Parker

should i wake

eight;
should i wake.

✱ ✱ ✱

SHOULD I WAKE and make the decision to stay, I would be losing so much, and I wasn't sure if this was a better alternative to losing my life completely. It seemed like everything I had worked for had been destroyed in the snap of a finger. One car crash had ruined everything that made me, and if I were to wake up, I wasn't sure if I would ever be who once was before I fell asleep.

All I could think about was how my life used to be, who I used to be. I was a girl who saw the joy in the little things, who counted her blessings in the mirror every morning. Yet somehow, it seemed as if I had taken things for granted, muttering each blessing until it simply became routine. The heaviness and importance of each thing had somehow faded away.

I forgot how lucky I was to have my family who loved me so dearly. The countless family dinners spent around the dining room table, sharing stories about Liam's classroom antics or her father's crazy days at work, had been so normal that the beauty of them seemed more normal rather than awe-inspiring. Everyday, I watched my parents share a loving kiss before they parted ways in the morning and held my little brother's hand as I walked him to school, never thinking twice about it.

I'd taken for granted the endless moments I spent with Clara, whether it was staying up late to watch our favorite chick flicks while wearing face masks, or going to the top of random New York buildings to have picnics and take pictures together. I'd grown up with her by my side; she'd been there on my first day of kindergarten, and I remember when we were reading buddies and found out we both were obsessed with Strawberry Shortcake books. She was there for my first period, through every awkward phase, and every breakdown over a boy. Until death, I would argue that she was the best friend a girl could ask for.

And then there was Peter. Despite the point where things went south, he was an amazing soul to have connected with. That's why it hurt so bad to have to let him go. Every since the moment he sat down next to me in that random grocery store and helped me pick out a gift for Liam, I knew he had a caring spirit. Time had only proven how loving of a person he was, and I was blessed beyond measure to have known him and to have loved him. Not many were lucky enough to experience such a tender romance in their early adolescence, and it was something I treasured dearly.

By living, I would be losing my mother, my father, and my dream that I'd been training for ever since I was a child.

By dying, I would be losing my brother, my best friend, and the boy I loved.