10 | Sierra
I froze.
Those four words stiffened my whole system. Anxiety filled my entire body that I couldn't hear anything, this isn't the first time though. I experienced it for the first when Donny left me in the halls two years ago, I could barely breathe, I cried that time until there's no tears left and like what happened today, I couldn't hear anything. Nobody knew, not even my mom. I guess it was best to keep it as a secret.
Because I thought it was only one time thing.
But it wasn't. It occured once more when I arrived in Cambridge, not long when I decided to see a specialist because it keeps happening and that's when I knew I got diagnosed by anxiety disorder. I kept seeing my doctor for the past months, looking for cure or just something that would help me from preventing it.
I've tried everything that I could try, but nothing worked. Until now, I was suffering from it and I guess the only thing that could help me is talking about it with someone I trust.
As much as I wanted to admit that it isn't about us, I'm not the best liar. I don't have other options but to talk about it and I think that the universe wanted me to tell him how I really feel for the past two years. The pain and heartache that I've been carrying for the past two years.
I gulfed, choking all the fears and anxieties, pushing it back because I want to be strong. I want to be brave and by finally telling all the pain I felt, and how I truly feel.
I gazed at him still waiting for me to say anything, it felt like years fighting the urge to speak, convincing myself that everything will be okay.
It's now or never, Sierra.
"I-I... I-" I stuttered as I started but as I was to continue talking, someone cutted me off.
"Donny!!!" we looked back to see who is was and I was caught off guard. It was Sunny.
She ran towards us with a smile on her face, Donny stood up and brushed the sand from his shorts and I just stayed from my sitting position, taking another sip from my drink and looking at the waves colliding with the seashore.
Well, I guess I didn't want to look back to witness him and his girlfriend hug and share kiss. I just couldn't do it.
"I missed you!" Sunny exclaimed, I still didn't look back. "What are you guys doing here? It's pretty late, Donny."
"Uh, admiring the almost morning view." he answered, I finally glanced at her and acknowledged her presence. I don't want to be rude.
"Nice to see you again, Sierra. I hope I didn't interrupt something." Luh paano mo nahulaan girl?
As I was about to say something about continuing my conversation with Donny, he spoke.
"Of course, you didn't."
Furrowing my brows with what he said, I couldn't believe him. I was fuming, I can't believe him at all. I pursed my lips together as I was looking at them, gazing at each other as they're still in a hugging position.
Ouch, sakit naman mga mamsh.
"Sierra? Are you okay?" Sunny asked, I didn't noticed that I was staring. Shit naman dis.
I nod, "Yeah, I'm fine." Putanginang fine na 'yan.
"Sige, we'll go ahead. Good night." Donny said and I nodded, we bid goodbyes and they left.
And me?
Well, I was left crying there with my almost empty can of non-alcoholic drink.
I guess, I was wrong. I guess the universe doesn't want me to tell how I truly feel about what happened two years ago.
And with that I cried until I witnessed the sunrise.
-;-
another short update, i'm really sorry.
hi! if you're reading this, pls do vote and comment cos it really motivates me to update :)
