Benedict Cumberbatch {Imagines}

Imagine #12 - It Happened Again

Trigger Warning for Self-harm. 

Please don't read if you don't feel comfortable or you are sensitive to this subject. (However, Please read the next part  - up until the line!) 

The only reason that I wanted to write this was because I personally am going through it and trying to get to the other side safely. My DM's are always open if you need/want to talk to someone. I am not here to judge in anyway but I am always here to listen but I know exactly how it feels. Please reach out. I love you all so much and it breaks my heart to think that you may not feel like you are good enough 

Xx

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You sat alone on your bedroom floor. The house was empty.  Just lonely little you. As much as you tried, you could not stop the tears. It was all too much to bear and you just did not think that you would be able to cope with any of it anymore. 

You scrunched your eyes together as the pain seemed to shoot through your body, it was uncontrollable. It was undeniable. You felt as though had nowhere else to turn. Who was going to listen to you now? Who was going to trust you? This wasn't the first time this had happened and as much as you promised that it wouldn't happen anymore, let's face it, you knew that it most likely would and so did everyone else for that matter. Look at where you are now.  Alone. scared and unable to keep this a secret for much longer.

You picked up your phone and went to the number of the person that you wanted to see most right now. Your boyfriend of three years Benedict. He was filming a few miles down the road from where the two of you lived. You hesitated for a moment as your finger hovered above the 'call' button. You knew that if you didn't press it now then you never would. Taking a deep breathe, you placed the phone up to your ear and listened to the tone. After a few moments, Benedict answered: "Hey baby." He said but hearing his voice broke your heart. He was the most caring person you had ever met and in that moment you questioned how on earth you had a man like him in your life. "Babe? What's up?" He asked, he knew that you were crying. 

"I don't know what to do." You stated, closing your eyes. 

"Okay. What's happening? Talk to me." 

"I can't control it. I can't. It's never ending and I just want it all to go away." You cried. 

"Alright. I'm coming to see you. Where are you?"

"At home."

"Okay. Just stay there. I'll be as quick as I can. I love you." You hung up the phone and burst into tears. How did you deserve someone like that. Simple answer. You didn't. You were very surprised that he had stayed by your side for this long. About five minutes later, you heard Benedict shouting your name as he burst through your door: "(Y/n)! (Y/n)! I'm here! It's okay!" He turned to see you on the floor in the hallway in uncontrollable tears. He collapsed onto the floor beside you and pulled you into the biggest hug, kissed you and let you cry into your shoulder. "Shh. Breathe (Y/n). I'm here. You're safe now." 

When you had calmed down, he looked at you. His eyes filled with tears. "It happened again, didn't it?" He said calmly and quietly. You could only nod because saying the word 'yes' would only make this all feel real, too real.  "I'm sorry." You whispered into his shoulder. 

"Why are you sorry?" He asked as he continued to hold you in his arms? 

"Because I let you down. I'm a mess Benedict and you don't deserve someone who is a mess and someone who is constantly bothering you with her problems because she can't control herself. That girl who's made you leave work because she's an idiot."

"You're not an idiot." He said. "You will never be an idiot and you will never ever be a bother to me. I don't care about leaving work, you are my priority, my life (Y/n). When you need me, I will always, always be there, so please don't ever think that you're a bother to me." He paused to kiss you again. "Can I see? Can I see what you did?" 

You hesitated. "I can't show you." You told him. 

"Why not?"

"Because you'll hate me. You won't admit it but I know that you will." He looked at you, the tears were still building up. "I could never hate you because I love you too much to hate you. Please (Y/n). Please show me." You whispered 'okay' as you pulled up the sleeve to your shirt. You looked away, you looked at Benedict, waiting for the expression in his face. He looked down at the mess you made but he didn't look angry or hateful. He looked concerned, he looked sad. His bottom lip began to quiver as he rolled your sleeve back down and looked at you. "I know that was hard for you, so, thank you." He wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm with you through this. I'm with you all the way."

"Really?" You asked him. 

"Really." He smiled, pulling you closer to him once more. It made you feel safe, being in his arms. "You know, sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps forward. This is a hurdle. This isn't anything that we can work through. We can work through anything, me and you. You are not alone in this. You will never be alone with me."