Next To Me // A Stucky Au

Chapter Twenty

"Hey guys!" Steve said cheerfully as he walked into the studio once again, throwing himself down on an unoccupied couch. He received a few replies, but the studio seemed weirdly quite today, although maybe that was just because Peter wasn't here yet. He setteled himself down and got his drawing stuff out.

"So where's Bucky?" Steve asked casually, looking around at them. He saw them all glance at each other, and a tense silence forming.

At last, Sam spoke. "He's at home," Sam said briefly.

"Why?" asked Steve, puzzled. He could feel that it was more then being sick, and Bucky had been fine when he saw him a few days ago.

Sam glanced around again, before taking a deep breath and saying, "It's the anniversary of his sister's death. He's made it very clear that no one is allowed to go round his house. I'm pretty sure he still blames himself."

Steve put his drawing down, and looked around the room at everyone. A tense, heavy silence had fallen over all of them, and no one dared to look anyone else, especially him, in the eye. After a few minutes, Steve went back to his drawing, but the atmosphere never fell back to being cheerful, like normal, although today it had never felt right in the first place.

Even when everyone started talking again, it didn't feel right. Steve chatted absent mindedly to Peggy, who was sat on one of the other sofas, doing whatever Peggy did, and he could feel that she wasn't her normal self today, as if she had taken in some of the grief that was in the air.

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Steve desperately wanted to go and see Bucky, but they had said he wouldn't even let Sam come and see him, and he had been with Bucky when he found his dead sister. He thought about it as he put his things away as he walked into his almost new home, setting his finished drawing down on the countertop and manovering around the piles of boxes to get to the kitchen.

He was almost finished making himself some food when he heard a knock at the door. He carefully put down his spatula and hurried over to the door, opening it and letting the cold draft into his house.

Almost immidiately, he felt the person at the door fall into his arms. He could feel that it was Bucky, and he just looked at him in suprise as he pulled away and turned to close the door.

Bucky looked like shit. He was standing there, shivering in his soaked clothes, and hadn't even had the idea to put a coat on before he walked (Steve presumed he walked) the 20 minute walk to Steve's house in the wind and rain. His eyes were red and swollen, like he had been crying.

"Oh my god, Bucky, are you ok?" Steve said gently to him, "Well you're obviously not. Is there anything I can do to help?" Bucky stared back at Steve, wondering why he was being so nice to him. He said nothing, and headed to the couch, Steve following behind him. He sat down next to him and Steve gently placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Have you even eaten anything today?" Steve asked. By my hesitated for a second, and then nervously shook his head. "I've got some bacon and fries in the oven, if you want any," Steve suggested and Bucky nodded his head silently.

Steve went out of the room, and Bucky found himself wondering what he had done to deserve this. Why was Steve being so kind to him? He didn't know why he came running to Steve in the first place. His feet just lead him somewhere until he found himself at Steve's house. He had never gone to anyone on this day before, why does it have to change today?

His thoughts were inturupted as Steve came back into the room, holding two steaming plates of food. He set one down on Bucky's lap, and Bucky took a few hesitant bites before he just continued to stare blankly at it.

"It's all my fault," Bucky said suddenly, after five minutes of silence, his voice croaky and hollow. Steve looked at him in suprise, but didn't say anything. "I could've saved her," he said his voice cracking, tears starting to fall down his face again. Steve shuffled closer to him, and put his hands on Bucky's shoulders again, but Bucky refused to look him in the eye.

"It's not your fault," Steve said gently.

"She was only shot in the leg. If I had gotten to her quicker, if I had been there, I-I-" Bucky started sobbing again, and he buried his face in Steve's shoulder. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, tracing circles down his back.

"It's all going to be ok," Steve said softly as Bucky continued to cry.

Bucky finally pulled away. "Why are you even doing this for me?" Bucky asked quietly, "I'm a failure, I'm a murderer, why do you even like me?"

Steve pulled Bucky's chin up so their gazes met. "I'm doing this because I love you, Buck. I'm doing this because you're not a failure, or a murderer, and because I'm with you til the end of the line. Remember that, yeah?"

Bucky nodded his head slightly, and although he didn't smile, Steve could see some of the light returning to his eyes, and he gradually stopped crying. He wrapped his arms around Steve's body, and he lay his head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. It was reassuring, in a way, knowing that he was alive. Maybe he couldn't save Becca, but he could keep Steve alive, and maybe then it would be ok.

Steve ran his hands through Bucky's hair and the silence was much more comfortable now. After a while, Steve heard Bucky snoring softly, and he realized he had fallen asleep. It was not long before Steve was asleep as well.

A/n: whatttttsssss uuuuuppp!!!!! I had fun writing this chapter, and it has been a race against my battery power to get this done, so byyyeeeeee because this things about to die.