Anna Black, The Girl Who Lived (Book 6)

20: The Letter

She couldn't stop seeing it. The image was forever imprinted into her mind of her two friends kissing. Anna wanted to scream, shout, do ANYTHING for them to stop.

But she simply couldn't find the words.

And for the fifth day in a row, she stood and watched, her body unreal but the memory the same. She knew she was in a dream yet again, but hatred stabbed her heart with every soft movement, moan, and smile from the two.

She was unable to move, so she stood in misery and disgust.

Until she felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch hard before spinning around to meet eyes that matched her own.

"D...dad?!"

Her father smiled down at her sadly. "It's a good thing you haven't forgotten me."

"I could never."

"Good," he said. Anna wrapped her arms around him and he frowned as they went through his vacant figure. "You know I'm not here..."

"Oh," she stated, letting her arms drop like those of a corpse. "Y'know, it seems like nobody's here anymore."

Sirius sighed and started towards the entryway, beckoning for her to come. She couldn't help but scamper after in awe of her father. He looked so young and alive, like he had never been imprisoned and never set to death.

Like a father should be.

"Anna...y'know how it took me forever to get Leah, right? Six and a half years?" She nodded. "Well, it was because bloody Remus had her heart every second before. Seeing them together, the love of my life and one of my best friends...it was hard. I didn't want a world without her, as selfish as it was. I think you are feeling that now, eh?"

"Yeah, except it's my fault-"

He stopped suddenly and turned to face her full-on. "No, it's his. He's an idiot for not seeing what's in front of him-"

"I'm not with him, Dad! It's my fault because all I do is cry and complain and fake move on! And then I get angry when it doesn't work out!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up. "Merlin, Hermione is more capable in every way, shape, and form...I'm nothing!"

"You defeated Vol-"

"No, I'm just a lucky orphan," she spat, her narrowed eyes tinted red.

The words hit her father so hard he felt as is he could lose his balance. "You're a smart, strong, beautiful, broken person. You don't wallow in your downfalls, you rise up from them."

"Maybe I'd believe you if you weren't just a figment of my imagination."

"I...I really think you should believe in me," he said somberly, his grey eyes full of wisdom and honesty. "I'm always here, y'know."

"Are you?"

"Anna, you've always had an intuition...you know what's real and what's not, what's true. Never let that go to waste." Sirius' tone sent warmth through Anna.

"I don't know what to do, Dad. I'm just so tired."

He chuckled. "And that's life for you. I'm sorry you've had such a rough one, you never deserved it. Still, you've been able to do things nobody else has."

"I guess-"

"No, you know. Whether I'm here or not, you're always going to be strong... Now, I must be going, I have many things to do, and you know everything you have to do."

Anna's eyes widened. "Dad, please don't leave. Just tell me something, anything!"

Sirius paused, looking at her with sad eyes. "Just know that I never lied to you."

Anna shot up in her bed, her eyes wide and breathing heavy. The girls in her dorm were milling around. They turned to look at her upon waking.

"Are you okay, Anna?" asked Hermione with worried eyes...worry for more than one reason.

Anna resisted the urge to stab those warm brown orb out of their sockets."I'm fine."

Confusion flooded her as she got dressed and made her way to the Great Hall, which was only partly filled. It was the weekend and many were taking the time to either sleep in, hang out, or study. Ron Weasley sat by himself as he scarfed down his second plate of breakfast.

A deep sigh escaped the girl's mouth as she started towards him, pulling his attention to her. "Morning Ron."

"Hey mate," he said with a grin, happy he finally had some alone time with her. He wasn't one to admit it, but he didn't care for big groups and he secretly liked to be with his friends individually, especially Anna. It was a rare occurrence. "How've you been? You look more tired than usual."

"I'm...well, a lot's happened. Just want a break, I guess." Anna avoided his gaze, trying to find the right way to tell him about the kiss. He had to know what he'd done.

He arched a ginger eyebrow. "It seems like more than that. Y'know, you and Harry have been awful odd lately too."

"Well, something did happen," she started carefully. "So you know how you and Lavender snogged at the party?"

Ron let out a loud groan and banged his head on the table. "Ugh, how could I forget?! The bloody maniac...she's been all over me...she's mental!"

"Then why the hell are you with her?"

"That's a good question."

"Anyway," continued Anna, rolling her eyes. "The two of you did that in front of everyone...including Hermione."

"Yeah? So?"

"She was very upset, Ron. She left the party and Harry followed. They were talking and...they ended up kissing," she said, feeling a stab at her heart.

"They WHAT?!" he bellowed, his light blue eyes burning with such menace it could kill a man. "I'm...I'm gonna kill that bloody GIT-"

"Ron, shut up!" hissed the girl, glaring at everyone in the Great Hall, as all their eyes were on the two. "You can't tell a soul, please-"

"Why?! I think it's pathetic how they didn't tell us-"

"Because we can't fight. Not now, please," pleaded Anna.

Ron met her scared grey eyes and his heart melted. "Fine...but it's bloody ridiculous, he-"

"You love her, don't you?" Anna received a glare. "I knew it."

"It'd never work though, we're opposites-"

"Opposites attract...no wonder why we didn't work out," she grinned, causing the ginger to blush.

"Erm...but yeah, I can't believe them...especially Harry, he was just with bloody Romilda!"

"What?" asked Anna incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"Well, he's dead," he joked, but quickly felt regret at her pained expression. "But yeah, I'm not kidding, Harry was. Said he was 'moving on'."

"Oh," was all she said, giving a half-hearted shrug. The two sat in each other's silence for a bit. "I've got something important to do though. I'll see you later."

"Bye Anna...thanks for telling me, by the way," said the ginger with a sad smile.

"Any time."

The winter air was harsh as it struck Anna upon exiting the castle, but it was a biting cold that distracted her from her worries. She couldn't help but enjoy the painful long walk to the Owlery. She needed time to clear her mind.

Her legs were burning by the time she reached the top of the tall tower, yet she smiled when she saw the room was empty. But her content quickly vanished.

Because on a ledge perched a brooding dark owl, it's bright orange eyes boring into to his owner's daughter.

"Oh my god," Anna gasped, her eyes filling with tears upon the sight of her father's bird. The girl barreled towards it, causing the surrounding ones to flinch and flap their wings.

She had checked many times since she'd first sent the letter with that bird, but it hadn't returned before. She had given up hope, but after her father's appearance in her dream, she couldn't help but try one last time.

The bird had a piece of parchment tied to its ankle. Anna's fingers numbly fumbled with the paper, her grey eyes wider than the moon as she hoped she would find the answers she pained to have.

But her hope diminished and her eyes closed with defeat. The letter was not a letter, but a blank piece of paper.

"Why do you do this to me, Dad?" Her question came out in a whisper as she brought her gaze back to the owl, praying she could communicate with it. "Please, just tell me if you're alive. Dad, I need you."

The owl merely looked at her, its beak open but no sound coming out. It was if it wanted to speak but couldn't.

Yet another voice greeted her, "That owl's awesome! But, um, why're you referring to it as your father?"

"I, um, wasn't," she said awkwardly, turning to face her boyfriend. "It was my father's owl."

"Oh, what'd it bring?"

"Nothing," she said bitterly, clutching the paper in her hand and letting it burn to ash. Something in her gut told her she shouldn't have, and the owl hooting viciously at her made the feeling worse. "I have to go-"

"No, you don't, and you can't keep ignoring me," said Caspar, blocking the exit.

Anna clenched her jaw, not wanting to deal with explaining feelings she couldn't understand. She didn't want to explain her confusion with her father, and she most definitely didn't want to have the conversation with Caspar.

She wished it were Harry who begged her to talk, to stay, to just love him.

But it wasn't.

"Caspar...please, just let me have some time to myself."

"Why does it always have to be your way?" he asked, a bit of hurt in his voice. "You're never completely honest with me, you dodge everything and...I just want to talk about whatever is bothering you. I care about you."

The boy's big blue eyes let something loose in her. "Harry kissed Hermione and, and...and I...I don't know..."

"You still love him, don't you?"

The answer came without hesitation. "Yes."

Caspar forced himself not to flinch as the obvious confession hit him, his heart plummeting to his feet. "I, erm, I figured." He watched her expression fall. "It's okay, really. He's your first love and you've been close for years. I don't blame you, you've been through hell and back with him. I'd be the same way-"

"I don't think anyone else can love me," she blurted out, realization hitting her. "I-I'm just so messed up, mate. And...I think he's the only one who's ever going to understand me. And I'm just selfish because he's normal and I'm not and he's easy to love and I'm not, I'm just not anything!"

"I wish you saw yourself the way I do," said Caspar sadly as Anna's eyes filled with tears.

"Why're you so nice to me?" she asked, her voice small.

"Because you deserve it more than anyone else...do you know why I love you?" She shook her head. "Well, I know that here in Britain you're not shown in the best light, Harry's more of a celebrity. In America, though, you're in the limelight constantly-"

"The war was in Britain-"

"But he wreaked havoc everywhere, he's still a villain to us. Your mother being from America helps you as well. Anyway, I've followed your story since I was coherent. I'll be honest, I've always had the biggest crush on you since I was eleven. My dream was to meet you, I wished you were in America for so long. It's silly, I know, but you were the coolest, prettiest, most badass celebrity I'd ever admired.

"I hated leaving Ilvermorny, and the only thing that made me okay with coming to Hogwarts was the chance to meet you. When I bumped into you on the train, it was...just amazing. You were right in front of me, the girl I'd admired forever! And you liked me!"

"You're seriously fangirling over me?" asked Anna with a giggle, her heart warm and sadness replaced with flattery.

"Yes," he agreed. And he was feeling in love all over again. "I was so nervous too! I tried so hard to play it off cool-"

"You were cool! Hell, you still are...so, you're telling me I've been your 'dream girl' from since you were a kid?"

Caspar laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, his bright teeth gleaming in the winter light. "Yeah, basically. When you put it that way, it sounds pretty lame, doesn't it?"

"I don't think so," she reassured him, unconsciously stepping closer. "I think it's sweet, but I don't deserve it."

"I don't deserve you. Nobody does...yet here we are. I have to say, I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Anna's heart melted and she could help but fall into their kiss. She felt something she thought she never would with him: openness. She felt compelled to tell him everything about her, every feeling and thought. But she also felt like she didn't have to. That he could tell her thoughts just by looking at her, just by feeling her.

She felt like nothing else mattered because in that moment she felt like someone finally understood her in the way she wanted, in the most positive way possible.

"Don't mind me," a venom-filled voice stated behind them. They reluctantly broke apart and saw Harry, who had just gingerly entered the Owlery.

"Sorry, Harry," chuckled Caspar sheepishly. He looked to Anna, casting a look asking if she wanted to leave.

She nodded and followed after him, but was stopped by Harry's words yet again. "Anna...you have a letter."

Confusion flooded the girl as he untied a letter from Hedwig's leg. "From who?"

Emerald eyes filled with shock. "...Your uncle."

"Holy shit, there's no way-"

"Are you talking about Regulus Black?" asked Caspar, trying to piece together the scene.

"No, Mundy, she's not. And maybe if you actually got to know her-"

"Don't worry Potter, I already am," he retorted, yet he didn't seem annoyed, just merely offended.

Anna couldn't focus on the two of them, only the Muggle paper that held her uncle's architect-like print in her hands.

Dear Anna,

I know you are probably confused as to why I would write to you, my last letter being six years ago and hate-filled. Well, this is to reverse that.

Your life has been rough, and for that, I'm truly sorry. Sirius wasn't the best, but he was something, and it's truly awful that he had been taken from you. You deserve a family, I'm sorry you don't have it.

And I'm sorry that I'm one of the main causes for that. The reasons for such decisions are extensive and hard to put into writing. I would like to see you in person over your winter break. All three of us would, actually.

Violet and Iris miss you, they didn't make this decision of your absence. Don't blame them if you wish to return. And, speaking of, write back to let us know of your decision.

I hope we can catch up, I hope you can forgive me.

Sincerely,
Your Uncle Logan.

P.S: I was able to attract Harry's owl, hopefully it hasn't caused a problem, as I have forgotten how wizard post works.

"Well, what does it-"

"He wants to see me...to talk to me," said Anna incredulously.

"So, will you?"

She stood there for a second, unable to make a decision. She was undeniably angry at the Kendricks, they had no right to kick out an eleven-year-old orphan. On the other hand, some effort was better than none. "I'm not sure...I need time."

"Take all the time you need," said Caspar kindly, his eyes holding oceans of sympathy.

Anna gave a nod and tried suppressing the negative emotions. She put the letter in her pocket and started towards the door with him. At the door frame, she turned to have one long glance Harry, the pink cupid bow shape of her lips quivering slightly before showing the beginnings of a small smile.

He couldn't help but return it.

~=~

Hello everybody! I'm back on track for updating and will be doing so every Friday!

OH! I updated "Hidden In Plain Sight" CHECK IT OUT!!! My editor said that chappie was good and I'm excited to show it!

Anyway, I'm not quite sure what to say. I hope you liked the chapter, sorry if it was all over the place, but it was still fun to write! I've already got the next chapter halfway done and I'm LIT.

Question of the chapter...
What's your opinion on Caspar as of now?
(Personally, I'm totally enjoying his character! It's refreshing to write)

Thanks so much for reading!

Pls vote, comment, and add this to your lists!

Love to all,
~Lumos