anything in return | frank ocean [+18] complete

sweet life

Aside being jet-lagged like a motherfucker, I felt like I was in Heaven. My phone already recognized I was somewhere new even though my body didn't and time sprung back to three hours ago. The sun was high, but the breeze was strong and full of sea salt as it tousled my hair. Bora Bora had to be the equivalent of Heaven on Earth. Lonny had his camera around his neck, snapping pictures of the beautiful scenery as we rode on the back of golf cart to where we would be staying for the next few days, even catching a few of me rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes. I had to be dreaming. And if I wasn't, I couldn't help but agree with that age-old saying; the grass was greener on the other side. And the blues were bluer. The pinks were more vivid and rosy. Color porn was everywhere and my eyes were orgasmic.

We were in paradise, stuffed away on a little island.

We got to the St. Regis Resort and checked in. As soon as they verified Lonny's reservations, we were escorted to a beautiful, private estate right on its own part of the beach. I was barely listening to the attendant as we walked through it, only catching her sunny greeting of la ora na, in awe that Lonny could trouble me and go through so much trouble for me within the same twenty four hours. It wasn't the first time...

I adjusted my black gown and chords in the bathroom mirror, not even bothering to look up at my puffy eyes or my more-than-likely smeared makeup even though I knew at some point before my speech, I needed to touch it up. Scenes of last night seemed to be mocking me on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, making it hard to focus on anything good, my commencement pamphlet still on the floor. Moving to Los Angeles and transferring from the University of Illinois to the Academy Of Art University to work with Odd Future seemed to be a great move at the time, but tears told otherwise.

I couldn't stop crying.

I ignored everyone's stares and whispers, but it wasn't hard to know I was being talked about.

I knew my mom and Ang would be in the crowd, along with Chris and Kacie and Alex and Barry and Kelly and Clancy and Tyler and Gia, even though she was mad at me, but he wouldn't be there. And for some reason, that hurt the most.

I think it may have been how we left things.

My graduation brunch was still on my mind at Gia and I's year anniversary dinner that night, so I was blissful. We were at the loveliest Asian restaurant, drinking some expensive wine, celebrating success and us. Gia was so proud of me. We were laughing about something, waiting for dessert before Lonny sent me the most cryptic fucking text. All it did was immediately make me distant and anxious and worried and Gia noticed, almost as if she was waiting to pick a fight that night.

She didn't like the reason why. She never did.

She also was furious that after she gave me the choice of enjoying the rest of the night with her or 'betraying our relationship by going to meddle in shit that didn't involve me' – her words, I picked the latter. Lonny was always there to pick me up off the floor and no matter what, I'd promised him that I'd do the same.

I told her I loved her, but I had to. She didn't understand. She wanted to yell and cause a scene but I left her there to do that herself. Then I caught a cab and promised him double the fee if he could get me to Lon's place in a hurry.

Time couldn't move fast enough.

The elevator was on some God forsaken floor when I got there, so I took to the stairs in glittery five inch platforms and a white, long sleeved bodycon dress that was hard to move in, trench coat already ditched. I heard a door slam before I could get out of the stairway. Out of breath when I got to his floor but still in a rush, I almost missed the sight of Willy's guilty eyes.