anything in return | frank ocean [+18] complete

lost

 AN: In which we learn a little more about Alycia. First part told from her perspective, enjoy!

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My daddy called me hardheaded.

No matter what it was I found myself getting into, I always found a way to break the rules. Even ones I set for myself.

That's what my life seemed to be about these days – crashing through boundaries; how far could I go off the edge without dropping straight to the ground. If the game was to not fall, the wind was rushing past my eardrums.

I don't know how I ended up overseas, but there I was. Even though my mind was still reeling from impulse, I couldn't help but smile humorlessly at how London's dark skies and I matched.

I bundled up tighter in my coat as I sat in the back of a cab, less than an hour away from the hotel he liked to stay in when he was in town. I knew Chris; he didn't like to travel alone...but he'd been in England for six days solo-dolo and no one had really heard anything from him except for a few tweets and a vague ass Instagram picture.

I came with a purpose.

I needed some answers, closure...anything. I at least deserved that. He could fuck me but he couldn't love me, he didn't want to love me. I didn't understand but in a twisted way, I did...especially after what I put him through. I was selfish, but so was he for using me as a way to cope with his own transgressions. And we both were for seeking pleasure in each other and expecting no consequences.

Lyssi

You busy?

Chris

kinda.

Everything was just so up in the air, everything was so fucked up...everything about this city reminded me of him.

Things used to be different...

"You like the song?" Chris' arms snaked around me from behind, gently rocking us from side to side before kissing my cheek. I smirked, turning in his arms to rub my palm against the crotch of his jeans, laughing when his brows shot into his hairline.

"Nature Feels? Of course, it's nasty."

"You're nasty. Grabbin' on me nshit."

"You like it."

"I do." He gave me a long kiss before his hands slid down the small of my back, gripping a handful of flesh and sitting me up on the edge of the soundboard.

"You should let me do some background vocals."

"Like what? Humor me." I shrugged coyly, peering up at him from under my eyelashes. Chris smirked wider...

"It's a sexy song. I'm sure we can figure something out." Before I knew it, I was being carried in the booth with the red light on and the feeling of his mouth on mine...

It was getting hard to breathe.

"You love me?"

Chris had a thing for asking questions pre-orgasm. He knew how hard it was to string a sentence together and the sadistic side of him got off knowing he was the cause of my pain...

I felt too good to care. He was an asshole sometimes but he made up for it just like he was making up for it now with his head and hand between my legs.

"Alycia, answer me." I whined dangerously, gripping the mic with one hand and his head with the other, nodding.

"I love you...don't stop..."