For When Your Heart is Broken

12: Phone Call

...

    Kaneki couldn't fight the choked sound that came tearing from his throat as Tsukiyama's sleep-heavy voice answered the phone.

Suddenly, Shuu was wide awake.

"Kaneki-kun?!" He exclaimed, sitting bolt upright from where he had been lying down. The sound of his head smashing against the headboard of the bed registered and Kaneki winced.
"H-hey Tsukiyama-san..." He squeaked, sitting down more comfortably on the ground, "I'm asking you not to hang up..." Another sniffle, and suddenly he was bawling, "I'm begging you, please... don't..."
It took a second for Shuu to respond, as he was now fighting the urge to murder whatever was making Kaneki cry, but then it dawned on him...
Oh mon Dieu, he can't be upset over me, can he-?!
"I won't, Kaneki-kun... how-how exactly did you get this number?"

    Whenever the blunette had been given a new phone, he had been specifically instructed not to use his old one under any circumstances. Well... since when was Tsukiyama Shuu very good at accepting orders from anyone? Aside from his Papa and Kaneki, there wasn't a soul on the planet that he was willing to obey unless it paid off somehow.

"Promise me," Ken told him, mustering up all of the evenness he could manage whenever he said this, "Promise me you won't hang up."
"I... I promise, Kaneki-kun. I won't hang up on you." Shuu replied, closing his eyes, his usually handsome countenance turning downward in an upset scowl.

"Okay. Thank you. As f-for the number... I was... g-going through an old book of yours..." Kaneki huffed, his tone strained and broken, "I found... Chie-san's cell phone number... and I begged her to give me your number."
"Ahh, Little Mouse, of course..." Shuu sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "Pray tell, what have you to say to me, dear Kaneki-kun?" A dark huff escaped him, and he could feel his lips twist up in an annoyed, cynical smirk, "Don't come to me with some idiotic excuses... I'm sure you've already read my letters?"
"Y-yeah..." Ken leaned forward where he was sitting, emphasizing his point to a person who couldn't see him, "But Tsukiyama-san, I didn't--"
"You didn't what, Kaneki?" The Gourmet hissed, "Don't you dare lie to me, I know you knew. You knew before I did..."

    Suddenly, Ken was shouting, tears streaming down his face as his emotions overflowed along with them, "I know, Tsukiyama-san, I know I did-! I was too stupid and afraid to admit it myself...! And so were you!" He said, his heart thumping in his chest, his cheeks red and his grey eyes emblazoned with fury, "You said so yourself, that you're a coward! You didn't have the courage to, and neither did I, so I went and tried to move on, and you didn't! You didn't because you were too hung up on me, and you couldn't get over it...!
"Then you left, and I learned that the pretty life I had made for myself was all a lie! She lied to me, and you were the only one who had always been there for me. Well-- now that you're gone, I realize that I really can't fucking live without you, Tsukiyama, and I'm falling the fuck apart!"

    A long moment passed, silence falling over the line as Kaneki panted, recovering from his outburst.
As promised, Tsukiyama remained on the phone, and he didn't hang up.

"Please... say something."

A heavy sigh passed through Shuu's slightly parted lips, and he tried to ignore the wetness on his own face as he responded as objectively as he could, somehow keeping his voice calm and emotionless:
"I don't know what to say..." He murmured, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.
"Come back... just come back... please, come back, Tsukiyama, I need you here with me..."
"I can't do that, Kaneki-kun." The Gourmet told him coldly.
"Why the hell not?!" Ken sobbed, his voice cracking as he spoke, and a fresh wave of tears dripped down his cheeks.
"I just… I can't." Shuu sounded just as frustrated now, "I've invested too much into this. It was not a rushed decision, you know."

    Kaneki did know. It made him feel even more awful that the other had been plotting over this for… who knows…

"How long?" He asked suddenly.
"Quoi?"
"How long were you planning this?"
"Um, well…" The Koukaku hummed in thought, "Nearly seven, eight months?" He guessed.
"Oh my God," Kaneki rested his hand against his forehead, propping it up on his knee while he let this information sink in. Seven goddamned months.
"Well, that's when the idea first entered my mind. Whenever you and Kirishima— ahah, excuses-moi, rather, your Madame Touka-chan were getting more… intimate." Shuu drawled this out with venom to spare, "But I didn't make preparations until around deux months ago." [Fr. Excuse me, missus (as in wife), two]

    Ken huffed out a broken sigh, placing the phone against his chest to hide the speaker from picking up on his pathetic sobs.
He did a poor job, much to Tsukiyama's dismay. He could hear everything. From the rattling of the whimpers that tore out from his mucous clogged throat, down to the sniffles and curses that he mumbled to himself to try and get it to stop.
"Fuck, stop crying, you idiot…" Hissed the Rinkaku, pulling the phone back up to his ear.

"I know that… saying that I'm sorry won't cut it." Kaneki told the man, shaking, "But… I am. I'm so sorry… Tsukiyama-san, I know it won't help, but I'm…"
"Ferme ta bouche, Kaneki-kun," Shuu whispered, raking a hand through his turquoise blue hair, "Shut up…" Was his translation. [Fr. Shut your mouth.]
"What—"
"Réduire au silence. Be quiet." [Fr. Silence.] He'd been accustomed to using the native tongue of Belgium for so long, he kept switching languages. Growling, he continued, "Mon Dieu, Kaneki…" [My God] Suddenly, he stood up out of sheer anger, "What do you want me to do?!" He exclaimed, "I have been… beyond understanding, more than kind, and God knows I've been patient!"

Ken sat in silence as he had been instructed, picking at the hem of his shirt pensively.

"I am… I'm sick of this." He murmured finally.
Kaneki was at a loss for words, but he managed, "I know you are..."

Tsukiyama wasn't finished, though. "…So …why is it that…"

He was up now, completely, flipping through his closet for something to wear.

"… I just can't seem to let you go…?"