My child : Mommy?
Me: Yes?
My child: If cats could talk what do you think they would say.
Me: *imagining if my cats could talk*
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My cat: YO ASSHOLE!. . . WAKE UP MOTHER FUCKER I WANT BREAKFAST! YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN BED
Me: IT IS 1 AM IN THE FREAKING MORNING SHUT UP.
My cat: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE BITCH. GET UP AND FEED ME MY BLOODY GOD DAMN MEAL.
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Me: *smiles forcefully with pained expression*
Me: Oh, I am sure they would just say "Food-girl feed us." You know things like that.
My child: Okay, thanks Mom!
Me: *curls up in a ball on bed shivering and praying that cats never learn how to speak.*
YOU ARE READING
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HumorI don't know how to explain this but this is essentially my take on what it would be like if i were a parent.
