The Workaholic Wife ✅

Shadow of Death

I've never prayed for something before. For the first time, I prayed. I kneeled on the hospital floor, clutching my stomach in one hand and grasping my pallu near my chest on the other. I was a sobbing mess while they operated on him.

He had TBI, an post-traumatic disease, which normally occurs after something like a major fall. His personality didn't change as much as I thought it did, but I was lucky to catch his slightly changed behaviors. Otherwise, it could have led to other disastrous effects.

After seeing my overwhelming mix of emotions, the nurses locked me in the on-call room. For the past three hours, I've been locked here, sobbing and shrieking as thoughts of losing him sink into my head. The thoughts slowly torture and torment, poisoning me from the inside.

I stop crying for a minute, only to stare at the blank lifeless walls before me. If my eyes were drills, I would've glared my way to circumvent the world.

I place my hand on my currently flat stomach, where the small fetus is growing inside me. If he survives, I promise, I will love you. But if he—

No, I can't think pessimistically. Not now. Not when Aniket is fighting a battle between life and death. I hope he is on the side of Life. I have to stay strong. For the baby. For him. For my parents.

I have to be strong. Strong, strong, strong.

I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing the unwanted thoughts away from my brain.

Stay away. Please.

Another lone tear tries to escape, but I trap it in my tear gland, keeping it prisoner of my depression.

He has to survive. He will survive.

I hope he survives.

The door suddenly opens to reveal Alisha. At the sight of her, I confirmed my worst of suspicions. I didn't want anyone to see me this way. Except Alisha. Even if she had unknowingly betrayed me, she was still my friend. She doesn't want Aniket. No. She was my friend. She would never betray me knowingly.

I run to her, hugging her. She was my friend. She will help me.

I will not let my heart break. He is going to die. Or possibly, already dead. But I will not let my heart break. Never. My heart was mine.

Only mine.

His heart, however, is also mine.

I sank to the floor, hitting my head on the white walls of salvation. They were going to help me die. The walls.

I don't want to be in this world when my light, my love, my Aniket is no longer breathing.

But wait, just because Alisha is here, doesn't mean that he is dead. Right?

My betraying brain chose to fill my pounding heart with hope yet again. Some may call it survival instincts. Some may call it love. However, I say it's foolishness. Maybe even a little bit selfish. To hope he didn't die. To hope we will be together after this is all over.

I am not suicidal. Especially not over a man.

Not when that man is the love of your life, my brain reminds me.

I sigh, wiping the tears on my cheeks.

I will not die. He will not die. I will alight the torch of hope yet again. But if it dies, I will die with it.

"Tell me he isn't dead." I whisper, as if Death himself with hear me if I speak at a normal volume.

Alisha pauses, moving her tongue agonizingly slow over her lips. She was prolonging her response. That means it's bad. He's not dead, but he might as will be.