Irene, My dead best friend [Wattys 2015]

Chapter 17: Bickering

Chapter 17: Bickering

“Why are you limping like that?' Nicholas demanded.

“I'm swaggering,' I informed him.

“You look like you're wearing a diaper.”

Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.

Wait. I had a crush on this guy?

“Now what?” he asked, “You're making weird faces.”

“Nothing,” I said quickly. "Never mind.” 

― Alyxandra Harvey, My Love Lies Bleeding

Somehow I could feel like I could closely relate to Ms. Harvey’s story except the situation was reversed between Irene and me. I was the one always saying “never mind”. sigh

We walked away in silence, leaving the hollow tree that saved our lives behind us, like they never mattered. The truth was, I had developed a deeper connection with these woods now, the trees had not only been my only solace and friends all through these years, but they had also saved my life. However, more than anything at this moment, I needed a second to myself. I had been ignoring everything that had ever happened to me my entire life and now it had stock piled to a point where it was threatening to boil over. I needed to take a second and sort things out, figure out what the hell was going on (this whole Irene situation was bad enough as it) and finally make a plan; I couldn’t just wander around the woods with Irene in tow without a plan.

“Irene,” I didn’t know how to say it to her, part of me didn’t want to say it at all, but I knew I had to get it out somehow.

“hmm?” she said from beside me, I looked on as she had a handful of grass in her hand which she pulled apart and tore with quite a bit of focus, as though she was thinking.

“Irene, I….” don’t be a chicken, just tell her! More than anything, I was most afraid of hurting her feelings.

“Yea?” she looked at me, dusting off her hands, letting the shreds of grass delicately fall to the floor. I watched as they slowly tethered around in the air and then finally fell to the ground and joined the fresh grass that was matted all over the place. Nature being ironical; death and life, right next to each other.

“Jason?” Irene lightly broke me out of my wonderings, “you were saying?”

“Irene…. it’s just that…I’m hungry?” You chicken! I scolded myself, I had not only failed to tell her I needed some time to myself but had also proceeded to sound like a fool by making it sound as if I was asking her if I was hungry. There was no limit to my stupidity.

“You sound confused…,” she looked at me with uncertainty but ignored it as soon as it came, “but there are some nice berry bushes East, I think, I remember walking past them,”

“No, we can’t head back, let’s just keep going this way and see if we come across something, besides I have a bag of biscuits here somewhere,” I told her as I slipped my bag pack from my shoulders and rummaged in it till I found the said biscuits. Ripping the plastic open, I took out a piece for myself and handed her the rest. She took it from me, looking at me with that confused expression of hers but I ignored it and began walking. I didn’t know why I was such a chicken back there, probably because I was afraid if I told Irene that I needed space from her, she might take it the wrong way. There was no way I could hurt her feelings, it just wasn’t in me. I was a wuss and a big one at that.

Sighing on the inside, I proceeded to walk; looking behind me to make sure Irene was close behind. She was more engrossed in reading the label on the biscuits more than anything else. We kept on walking for about an hour, I couldn’t be sure, until I figured enough was enough because I had to do this today or I’d never get around to it.