Poems, Rants, and Vents. (depressing)

anxiety¿

it's like living in a constant state of panic attack, everyday, all day. from the time i wake up, to the time i fall asleep. it's hard to breathe and littlest of things give me breakdowns. it feels like i'll pass out all the time. it's like i've forgotten to smile. i don't like talking, not to my family, at least.

i'm so sorry for being an asshole whenever i'm not feeling the tad bit of good i usually do. i'm really sorry.

i'm never calm and i hate my thoughts. no matter what, where, when, all i can think of is...

hmm

something is wrong, and it's wrong with me.
i always feel sick? like nausea and fever? aching? suffocated?

sometimes, i don't know what i feel; and sometimes i feel nothing. i don't trust any positive thing anyone says about me. it's not true. i'm nothing. i can't do anything. i'm not pretty. i don't take compliments.
i'll respond politely but it kinda boosts this weird pain, which starts to hurt me physically. i feel bad that anyone at all thinks that way.

i don't know
i feel bewildered
i can't word it
i wish i could erase my existence and all the memories of everyone linked with me.

i just want to... leave? go home? i'm not at home even when i'm at home, in my room. i hate going outside.
thanks.