Sinking

Guess I'll see you there, then?

It wasn't even lunch time yet and I was already wishing the day was over. Have I mentioned how much I hate school?

I was walking slowly towards my next lesson (English), already dreading another hour of lectures when my thoughts were interrupted by a deep voice, "Hey Cara!" I looked up to see Brian Sanders approaching  me with some of his friends. He slowed to a stop in front of me and bit his lip nervously, "So how are you?"

Oh God, I think I know where this is going...

"Er I'm fine?" I replied in a measured tone.

"Look I heard about your dad," See, I knew it! "And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. If there's anything you need help with just let me know OK?" He looked at me expectantly, the warmth in his eyes not entirely masking his uncertainty. The guy probably hasn't talked to me since kinder garden.

"Yeah okay," and with that I hurriedly escaped. Suddenly I felt drained like exhaustion had seeped into my bones, and for a moment all I wanted to do was lie down on the floor and sleep. I had received these consolations more times than I can count, until all they became were strings of meaningless formalities to be dismissed by my tired brain. Just today about five people had approached me, all of them, like Brian, wanting to know if they could help. How can I explain to the that what I'm feeling isn't something they can help with? That no one can help with.

Fighting this wave of weariness it was a miracle that I managed to turn around when yet another voice broke me out of my reverie, "Hey Car," Liz said softly.

Surprised I faced my ex best friend; it had been years since anyone called my by that nickname. Liz had been my other best friend (apart from Rachel of course) at the time when my mother had passed away and I started pushing everyone away.Liz was the only person who had resisted my efforts so much that, though she wasn't my 'friend' anymore she could be called - an acquaintance I suppose.

"Hey Liz," I replied, "Long time, no see." Well no, not really. She had been at the funeral but I had gone out of my way to avoid her (and other people I didn't absolutely have to meet).

"Yeah," Liz said a bit uncomfortably, "Hey look I know your probably sick of hearing this but are you OK?" At that moment I was acutely aware of the heaviness which was weighing on my bones and I couldn't bring myself to plaster another mask on my face. So I simply sighed and said,

"What do you think?"

"Yeah I know, stupid question. Listen Care, I know you aren't a big fan of sharing your emotions and what-not but seriously-"

"No thanks," I cut her off, despite the pain clawing at my heart, knowing that if she completed the sentence I would show her my weakness. That was the thing about Liz. It was too easy to fall back in rhythm with her. Too easy to act like we were friends again. So I ignored the hurt on her face and headed to the girls bathroom, fighting back tears.

Barely pausing to check if it was empty or not I entered the bathroom and locked myself in a stall, blinking furiously. What is happening?

Since Mom's death I had mastered my emotion; never once had I failed to keep my sadness or anger in check if I needed to. But ever since he died it's like a wound has reopened inside me and I can't stop the swarm of conflicting emotions from threatening to overcome me. I had to rebuild the walls inside me because if I didn't I'm afraid I will lose my will to live, my will to do anything at all.

Just ten more seconds. Ten more seconds of weakness and you're back to being your cold self, I told myself firmly.I counted to ten silently and then stood up wiping my cheeks and making my face expressionless. I then put my hand up and pulled out my locket from beneath my shirt.

 "If you want the rainbow you've got to deal with the rain," I imagine my mom's voice reminding me.

But what if the rain just keeps getting thicker and faster mom? What then?

* * * * * * * * * *

I opened the classroom door as quietly as possible, hoping to go unnoticed.But since I am the luckiest person on the planet my plan was not successful. The moment I entered every single head swiveled towards me, including Mr. Benson, our English teacher's. 

"Miss Lawson you are late again! This is the fourth time in a row, I think?" Seeing that he was actually expecting a response I pursed my lips and shrugged. I think he was about to continue but just then the door opened again, barely missing my head. And entered inside, Parker Stone the closest thing our school has to bad boy.

 "Mr. Stone, detention," Mr. Benson said, straight off the bat. OK, how is it fair that I get a lecture and he doesn't? It's not my fault that he has higher expectations from me just because I do not go around smoking weed and throwing around condoms or whatever these rebellious idiots do in their attempt to be 'cool'.

"Hey that isn't fair," when Parker spoke, for a second I thought he had read my mind,"Aren't you supposed to at least consider entertaining the excuse I thought up?" 

Mr Benson sighed and said, "OK lets hear it." Um great am I supposed to just awkwardly stand here while this dude recites his imaginary sob story?

"Well I was driving here from home right? But then suddenly I almost ran over a dog! He was a brown, kind of terrier like stray. Now I'm already shaken you know, but then I swear I think I hear him cussing at me! At first I'm wondering if this is a hallucination or-"

"Are you seriously quoting the plot of Dr. Doolittle?" I interject half amazed at his idiocy and partly amused at it.

At first he looked surprised but then Parker smirked at me and said, "Aw come on, I didn't even get to the part with the suicidal tiger yet." At this the whole class burst out laughing.

"Parker and Cara, please take a seat and both you stay back for detention," Mr Benson said, exasperated.

Both of us sat in the only two vacant seats which were side by side in the very back. As I slid into my seat, Parker caught my eye and winked, "Guess I'll see you there then?"

A/N: Halo! Soooo what do you guys think of Parker?