The angel by your side

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Heyho :) I'm back with a little Oneshot! 
Please note that English is not my mother tongue, so if you notice some major mistakes don't hesitate to correct me. I love reading your reactions and I hope that you will like this new short story :D Love you all!

TRIGGER WARNING: implied suicide, mention of depression, anxiety and death
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And now I'm here, standing still,
was it maybe even god's will?
After all these years, the one and only time,
I'm sure this is my highest climb.

I can't even remember the last time that I visited this place. Maybe with 5 or 6? My mum dragged me in when my uncle died. I've never been religious, there was nothing I could believe in since my life was going down. No friends, a family which was busy with their own problems... just my depression and me. Fun. So why am I entering a church right now. A last pathetic try to ask god for mercy? Suicide is a sin, so I would clearly come to hell even though maybe I belong there. I've sinned so many times before that god or some of his helpers should immediately kick me out of this building. Whatever let's try this shit for one final time.

She cleared her mind as she sat down in one of the many empty rows. The wooden bench started creaking under her weight. There were bibles everywhere, so she grabbed one and flicked through the many thin pages. Pff, nah. Who needs such a heavy brick of lies. She put it back and started to concentrate herself.
She took a deep breath and formed her hands into a praying gesture. "Is that even right? I completely forgot how this works, ugh", she mumbled while starring at the huge cross. Before she started her debut to god she glimpsed around the church. Empty, good. She cleared her throat and began:

"Hey... God? Or whoever is up there. Well I don't think you care anyway. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for the most miserable life ever. I mean, I don't know if it was your intention or fault to crush me so hard but you kind of wanted me to exist so... yeah."
She made a longer break before continuing:

I'm sorry, it's not the right moment to accuse someone. I just wanted... I... I won't stay for any longer on this planet and..." Tears started streaming down her cheeks and her voice was shaking.
"I need someone to look after my family when I'm gone. My mum... she is alone, and I don't know if she'll be able to come over my death..."
She stood up and slowly made her way to the front of the altar. "I'm sorry that it has to end like this, but I don't have a choice. I can't keep living like that, I lost the fight against myself."
She smiled away her
tears and dried her face. After blowing her nose she had a look into her bag. She sighed when she saw the knife that she sneaked from home.
"Thank you", was all she managed to say before heading to the woods. Suddenly the lights began to flicker, and the girl could hear a strange "feathery" noise.
She glimpsed through the huge hall. Nothing. With a huff she turned around and started her way to the exit.

"Please, don't do it."
She immediately stopped in her tracks, shocked of the voice that was coming from her back. She turned herself around in confusion. There was a rather short guy with brown hair and icy blue eyes in a trench coat standing in front of her.
What the fuck? Who is this?! And how did he even come in... there is only one door!! What's up with his strange look... ugh what a creep.
"Leave me alone, creep", she replied.
The man tilted his head to the side for a few seconds.
"What is your problem, why are you staring, just go!!", she continued with a furious face.
"Please, Alice. Let me help you.", the guy answered.
The girl froze and opened her mouth, speechlessly. The guy came closer to Alice what made her back away a bit.
"Who are you?! What do you want!!!", she screamed in fear.
"My name is Castiel, I'm an angel of the lord and you prayed for me." He lifted his head and blankly stare into her eyes.
"W-What why? W-What the fuck are you talking about. You can't be real! Angels don't exist you Psycho!", she was shaking as a leaf. Castiel made another step towards her and lifted his right arm.
"I'm going to show you the truth, Alice." And with those words he placed his fingers on her forehead.
White light, heaven, angels, demons, darkness, war... her mother, sadness, tears, loss. Thousands of images were spacing through her mind. She was surrounded by a warmth that kept her company and soothed her confused feelings. Suddenly she opened her eyes. The pictures were gone, but sadly the warm feeling as well. For the first time in forever she felt save and peaceful. It was like a impulse of harmony.
Her legs gave in and she collapsed to the floor but to her surprise she didn't fall. Castiel realized the situation and held the girl in his arms. He sat her down on one of the wooden benches.
Silence.
"Why did you show me that?", she asked quietly.
"Because you are a unique human being and it would be such a waste to throw your life away. I don't understand why you humans even think about something like that", he said emotionless.
She stared down on the floor, thinking about a possible answer.
"Some people have a really bad life. Humans can be monsters.", she answered. Castiel furrowed his brows in confusion.
"Monsters... like demons?"
She smiled slightly: "Yeah, kinda."
He gazed at her face, lost in his thoughts.
"You are so beautiful when you smile. Real emotions. Angels don't have them. It's something special for us, you know."
The smile got even wider and now she was even showing her white teeth.
"I can't believe that I'm sitting in church with an angel. A real angel from heaven... that's just crazy.." Castiel had the confused expression written all over his face again. It made Alice laugh in joy.
She stopped and took the knife out of her bag.
"Hey... Castiel um... can you maybe take this? I don't think I will need it anymore", she said while handing him her kitchen knife. He took it in his hand and closed his eyes. Now it was Alice who had the confused look on her face.
Suddenly the knife started glowing in bright white lights. After a few seconds it was gone, together with the sharp object. The girl was speechless again.
She had so many questions but all she said was: "Thank you, Castiel. For everything."
He placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm always watching over you, Alice." And with those words he was gone. She looked around the room sadly, but she knew that she could always pray to him.
"Thank you for saving my life", she whispered happy.