Dubious In Love

Preamble

Preamble

As I close my eyes different sounds, voices and rhythms filled my ears. Crashing of waves, howling of wind, the chirping of birds, the adorable laughter of the childs, the warning shout of the parents, the sweet talks of the lovers, and the playful arguments of the friends. So this is what the Earth's song is?

And here I am alone and in pain.

I shook my head and tears begin to fall. Hindi ko inaasahan ito. Akala ko ay masama lang ang pakiramdam niya kaya minsan ay madalas siyang natutulog at nakahawak sa ulo niya. All I know is he was sick but already okay. Then why?

He was just okay right? I mean, kasama ko pa siyang matulog at kumain nitong nakaraang araw at kahapon. He even help me with my projects yesterday, mahirap ba yung project ko? It took him hours and sleep late.

Was it my fault? Maybe.

New tears streaming down my face. My eyes was swollen from crying and I couldn't calm myself. I even ditch my class for this afternoon, my teacher would probably need my excuse letter. But that's the least of my concern now.

Kuya, will you be okay right?

Hopefully this time he will be fully heal. Ayaw kong nakikita siyang ganun, nasasaktan ako.

My hand slowly travel to the warm, dry sand kumuha ako nang kaunti at inihagis sa tubig. Ilang beses ko iyong ginawa na para bang iyon ang aking sama ng loob na nais kong dalhin ng tubig, tangayin sa kung saan nang sa ganun ay mabawasan ang bigat ng aking pakiramdam.

I look up the sky. Such a gloomy day, I roam my eyes around the sea side. There's a lot of people, some were taking groupies and selfies, some were having picnic, some were having their plain siesta. For a moment, I fell envious. I miss that kind of feeling.

I wipe my tears and look at my dirty school shoes. I was about to wipe it with my hands when a shadow show up just right on my side.

"Here." anito bago umupo sa aking gilid.

I look at the person. A guy. He was wearing a ragged pants and a gray shirt. Lean and tall. Though I can't really tell because he is now sitting. Nakatingin parin siya sa akin at sa bagay na kanina niya pa iniaabot.

Isang kulay abo na panyo. Simple at walang desinyo, nakatupi at may maliliit na marka ng pagkagusot. Inabot ko iyon. The texture wasn't simple after all. Must be branded.

"I-..uhmm.." I croak. My throat is dry from crying and he's soft brown eyes taking me all in.

He smile. And It made me stun. Somehow, the heavy feeling that I have, lessen. At least. I tried to speak again but my voice wasn't with me. Nakatingin parin ako sa kanya habang hawak ang kapirasong panyo.

And to stop being look so stupid I decided to look away and attempt to wipe my shoes with his handkerchief. It was only a matter of milimeter between the shoes and the handkerchief when he shove my hands away.

"I lend it to you not to wipe your shoes but your tears." binalingan ko siya pero hindi siya sa akin nakatingin, sa dagat.

Natameme ako at nakaramdam ng labis na kahihiyan. Kakasabi ko lang na mamahalin yung panyo niya at ipupunas ko lang sa marumi kong sapatos? I must be crazy.

Nahihiya kong tinuyo ang aking luha gamit ang kanyang panyo.

"Bago ka lang ba dito? Parati akong nandito at hindi kita nakita, ngayon lang." he's still not looking at me. Nakatingin na siya ngayon sa kalangitan. Nagsasalita siya pero parang nasa malayo ang isip niya.