Returning Hearts

Chapter 4: Feeling Alone

Jackson smiles politely back at Isabelle as she passes by but his eyes then turn to look at August, who is standing next to him waiting to enter the restaurant. August feels pain as she watches Isabelle walk past her but tries to hold back the tears. She looks up into Jackson's eyes and realizes the man she once knew so well was a stranger to her now. He has moved on. She thinks to herself as she looks back towards Isabelle.

"Have a good night, August." Jackson's words snap her from her thoughts. She begins to enter the restaurant as he holds the door for her. His familiar aroma stops her in front of him and she looks up into his eyes.

"Hurry up Jackson! We are cold." Tommy's attempt to break Jackson away from August works again as August turns and continues inside the restaurant to rejoin her and Jackson's parents.

The table is eerily quiet as August sits back down in her seat and forcibly looks over the menu only thinking of Jackson. After a few moments of awkward silence, Tammy speaks up. "So, the lasagna sounds delicious. I think I will order that. How about you Mark?"

"I was also leaning towards the lasagna."

"The spaghetti looks good to me." Rachel nervously says. "I know Henry will order the Italian chicken."

"That is my go to." Henry replies looking concerned with everyone else towards August.

"Excuse me." August rises from the table and heads towards the restroom looking for some alone time. She enters the stall and leans up against the door releasing a heavy breath. Pulling out her cell phone and the card Jackson had given her yesterday, she enters his number in her phone to send a message. Staring at her phone for a few moments, she debates on what to text or if she should at all. She wants to ask him to come back to talk to her but he is with Isabelle now and she doesn't want to look pathetic. She begins to type: I'm sorry I left you. That was wrong. I was selfish and I did need you. You may never forgive me but I hope one day you do because I miss knowing you. Auggie. She backspaces and changes Auggie to August before pressing sending. She waits for a reply but after a few minutes decides he may be too busy with Isabelle or just still too mad at her to want to talk. His hand on her chin though felt so nice, she had forgotten what his touch felt like. She can't bear the thought of him being with another woman but she forces herself to remember this was her choice as she finds the strength to exit the stall. She washes her hands and attempts to fix her makeup before rejoining her dinner group.

The table sits in silence as they each struggle to think of a distracting conversation. A thought exits Rachel's mouth. "We are planning a vacation to Ireland this summer."

"Oh, that sounds lovely." Tammy hits Mark as she responds. "We need to do something like that. You never take me anywhere."

After checking her phone a few times with no reply from Jackson, August begins to relax as she forces her thoughts away from Jackson and Isabelle. She listens to the happy conversation between their parents and laughs at the stories her dad and Henry share about fishing.

"That was a good day. The fish were jumping in the boat. We couldn't stop catching them." Henry laughs.

"I thought Jackson was going to have to swim to shore. We were running out of room." Mark laughs loudly. August's smile fades as all eyes turn toward her nervously and Tammy hits Mark as he continues to laugh. "Oh. I am sorry dear." Mark apologizes to August. "I wasn't thinking."

"I am not made of porcelain. You're allowed to talk about him." She feels embarrassed as she pushes her hair behind her ear looking down.

"We didn't know he would be here and much less with a date or we never would have come." Rachel apologizes sincerely to August hoping to relieve some of the discomfort she has been feeling.

"It is fine Rachel. Really. I am okay." She grows more embarrassed knowing her feelings are showing all too well to everyone.

"What did you think would happen sweetie? You ran him off, moved away, and divorced him. He wasn't going to wait on you forever." Tammy boldly talks like a scolding mother causing August's tears to almost break free.

August gathers her purse and coat sadly before looking over to Rachel and Henry. "Thank you for inviting me and spending some time with me the past couple of days. I really needed it." Her eyes turn to her mother. "I hope you all have a lovely evening." The table grows awkwardly silent again as she leaves.

Still seeing no reply from Jackson, August makes her way back to her hotel room where Dolly greets her at the door. All her feelings of loss expel in tears as she collapses to the floor hugging Dolly. "At least you don't hate me." After a good cry, August knows she has to be stronger when she meets up with Jackson tomorrow to drop off Dolly.