Returning Hearts

Chapter 16: Filled With Hate

Jackson feels his world has fallen apart as he drives. He can't stop seeing August standing in the window of her parent's house with the baby, his son. He has never held him or even touched him. He wants to meet him but he can't bear the thought of seeing August again after she deceived him for so long. He truly hates her in a way he never knew was possible.

Jackson doesn't want to go into his apartment but he remembers Dolly as he looks at the time on his car dash and realizes that he has to be to work at 9:00 am and it is already 8:30 am. He opens the door to his apartment and grabs the leash as Dolly jumps up on him excited he his home. "Hey Dolly. Come on let's go for a quick one. Daddy's late."

Him calling himself daddy causes his mind to think back about the little blonde baby August was holding. He doesn't know anything about his own son and he finds it aggravating as he wonders why August would do such a thing to him. The entire time he is walking Dolly through the park he replays the past week's events through his head and tries to make sense of everything. He looks at his wrist to see the time but notices his watch is missing so he pulls out his phone from his back pocket. He notices a new message from August and decides to read it as he forgets about the time.

6:45 am

I am sorry for everything. I never considered what you went through when I left. You bore so much of the weight and held our little girl as she passed from this life. I could never imagine what you felt and never realized you endured so much pain. I know I could never replace the time I kept Carter from you or the time I failed you as a wife. I promise I will never close you out again. My door is always open for you whenever you want to see your son.

Jackson contains his emotions as he tugs on Dolly's leash moving back towards his apartment. It isn't until he is reeling through his crazy morning as the hot water from the shower head pounds against his skin that he breaks down in pain from August's words. He had ached for so long for her to come back that he had never really dealt with the feelings she left him with. All this time he thought he loved her and was holding on to her, he actually was mad and hated her. He hated her for leaving him. He hated her for hiding Carter. And he hated her for not being there for Zuri. He feels a darkness grow within him as he dresses for work.

He doesn't arrive to work until just before 10:00 am as the perky secretary jumps from her chair. Seeing her, he puts his hand up as if to stay stop towards her. She looks at him oddly as he moves over to her desk. "Hi." He holds out his hand to her which she gladly takes. "You know my name but I don't know yours." His eyes are kind as he looks at her awaiting her reply.

"Maranda." She smiles at him as she feels flattered.

"It is really nice to meet you Maranda." He releases her hand and adjusts his jacket. "Thank you for always providing me with a smile every morning."

"You are welcome, Mr. Frame."

"Please." He shakes his head. "Call me Jackson." He smiles at her again and nods once politely. "Have a great morning Maranda."

"You too sir."

He turns back towards her as he points at her in a scolding manner. "No. It is Jackson."

She laughs shyly. "You too Jackson."

He notices all the shocked faces around the entrance as he presses the button on the elevator to ascend and it causes him to smile. He can't remember the last time he felt so good emotionally. Jackson exits the elevator and looks around for Tommy, who is nowhere in sight. Jackson checks his own office before going to Tommy's where he finds him sitting at his own desk for once.

"Jax. Look. I swear I didn't know it was your kid!" Tommy stands up quickly from his desk as he backs up towards the wall with his hands up protectively. "Sydney said she had just had a baby and we didn't talk specifics." Jackson throws his briefcase on to one of Tommy's guest chairs as he moves closer to Tommy around his desk. "We were drunk man and things were not completely hashed out. I should have gotten all the details correct before I told you. I get that." Tommy has managed to get behind his chair so that it is blocking Jackson from reaching him. "What are you thinking man?" Jackson emotionlessly stares at Tommy. "I can't read the cards you're laying down right now?" Tommy nervously shifts behind his chair as Jackson's left hand reaches out to shake his. Tommy relaxes as he moves from out behind the chair and takes Jackson's hand. "Oh, man you scared me. So, we are cool?"

Jackson nods his head at Tommy's question before he pulls back with his right arm and punches Tommy knocking him down to the ground. Tommy looks up at Jackson in understanding as he rubs his jaw. "Now we are cool." Jackson says before he turns picking up his briefcase to leave Tommy's office.

"So, when do I get to meet the little chap?" Tommy fixes his dress coat as he stands to his feet. Jackson rolls his eyes proceeding towards the door not planning to answer. "At the re-wedding? Huh? Yeah?"

"Actually, I am thinking it is time to move on and let August go." Jackson stops at the door as he looks at Tommy's shock. "It just took her coming back for me to realize, she isn't what I want. I don't love her, I actually think I hate her. She is someone I don't even know anymore. The August I loved doesn't exist, she died when Zuri did." Tommy sits down silently in his chair as if he is brokenhearted from Jackson's cold tone. "You were right. I should have moved on ages ago."

Tommy continues to stare at Jackson in disbelief. "No. It's still her. You both just had a tragic loss. You still love her."

Jackson shakes his head confidently. "No. I don't Tom."

Tommy pleas on August's behalf. "No. You're...You're just confused. You don't mean that. It is a fine line between hate and love. You will forgive her."

"I don't think so this time." Jackson hangs his head as he looks down at his briefcase. "I will see you later man."

Tommy seems distracted in thought as he waves slightly at Jackson.

It is midday before Jackson thinks about Isabelle. He wants to try and make things work with her. He looks through his phone to message her...

How is your day?

1:35 pm

Good. Yours?

Can't stop thinking about you.

1:36 pm

Then maybe you should do something about that.

Lunch tomorrow?

1:36 pm

I pick, you buy.

Yes Ma'am!