Returning Hearts

Chapter 15: Eerie Eyes

"I know. I am a horrible person." August is crying so hard she barely manages to get the words out. "I know I can never make it up to you and you have no idea how sorry I am. That is why I came back."

"Why now? What was wrong with coming back a year ago? Or not leaving me at all."

August sobs as she sits in bed. "I was so selfish, I forgot about what you needed and I am so sorry Jax. I swear I really am! I wanted to call and tell you so many times and the other night when we were together. I was just so afraid of you hating me."

"It seems all you have done since we lost Zuri is hurt me." Jackson's tone is sad as he sits down on the edge of the bed. "I held on to you for so long, hoping you would come back to me. To us. Convincing myself you just needed to heal in your own way but that you still loved me."

August feels worthless as she cries into her hands listening to Jackson's words. "I do still love you."

"No. This isn't love. Did you blame me for Zuri?" Jackson's head hangs looking down at the floor sadly. "Is this some sort of sick twisted revenge?"

"No!" August moves over closer to him. "It wasn't your fault Jax." August can't fight the urge to console him as she reaches for his hand. She fears he will push her away as her fingers slide into his palm but to her surprise he squeezes her hand. "The drunk driver was to blame. No one ever blamed you. Is that what you have thought all this time?" August feels hurt as she thinks about him feeling at fault for so long. Jackson throws August's hand off of his as he stands up and moves away from her abruptly.

"Would you like to meet him?" August thinks he will feel better once he sees Carter. Jackson looks over at her for a moment in thought briefly before leaning over the crib with his arms clinching the black wooden frame. August notices she doesn't have any pants on and moves over to find a clean pair of jeans as she wonders if Jackson is the one that changed her clothes. She slides into the jeans and her house shoes before walking out of the room to go get Carter from her parents' house leaving Jackson still frozen over the crib.

As she is getting Carter, she hears a vehicle out of the front of the house crank up and sees Jackson in his car. He looks up at her in the window as she holds Carter. He has a look on his face she had only seen once before.

August wakes to lights shining in her face as she hears a buzzing sound around her. The smell of blood and dirt fills her nose. "Jackson?" She still can't see as she looks around squinting from the light. The cracked windshield comes into view as her vision clears. "Zuri? Where is Zuri?"

August hears a strange voice as she looks upside down into the eyes of a stranger with dark eyes and a cap on. "We have everything under control. Just relax."

August feels panicked as she looks over at the driver's side where Jackson should be but he is not beside her. She struggles to look behind her to see Zuri but cannot turn around because of pain from hanging upside down. "Where is my baby? Is she okay?"

The stranger's voice sounds through her head again. "Everything is okay. We are trying to get you out of the car ma'am so we need you to calm down."

August fights the stranger trying to control her emotions of not knowing if her little girl is hurt. "Where is my baby?"

She continues to fight as she feels a small prick on her shoulder and the stranger's voice again. "Ma'am we are just trying to help you." Soon a calming sensation surges through her body and she feels hands all on her as they pull her from the rolled car. She tries to look in the back of the car for Zuri but the strangers crowd around her blocking her view.

As she feels herself floating toward an ambulance she catches sight of Jackson, who is sitting next to the car with an empty gaze she has never seen before. "Jax?" As she says his name, his eerie eyes move up catching hers and causes her heart to shatter as she realizes Zuri didn't make it when she sees a small body covered by a white sheet lying on Jackson's lap. "No!" Her pain is too unbearable as she screams and cries for Zuri as the doors close her inside the white walled ambulance. She feels another prick on her arm as the white walls begin to turn dark.

He turns back his eerie empty gaze to the road and speeds off down the street. "August, is everything okay?" Tammy is standing next to August patting Carter on the back. August looks up blankly at her mother as she wonders why Jackson has that look in his eyes again. What could have caused him to feel that way she had only seen him feel once before? She forces a smile toward her mother and turns back towards the back door to leave.

She fixes Carter a bottle knowing she needs to pump and dump after her crazy evening that she barely remembers. She doesn't even remember Jackson showing up at the club. She cries as she reels through what just happened and wonders what Tommy could have told him to cause him to think it wasn't his kid. Carter finishes his bottle and she sets him down in the floor before she goes to get her phone to text Jackson. She had seen him upset before and knew that him spending time alone was usually what he needed to feel better before they came to an amends. This is the worst thing she has ever done and she wanted to let him know it was okay that he was mad. She texts him tearfully before she sits down to play with Carter.