Never Just Right

chapter 11

THALIA

"Okay so you're saying that you know you kissed Shawn, but you can't remember when, where or why? Or the most important details like, I don't know, how it was or how long?" my best friend Kyra says exasperated.

Ugh I knew it. She is going to push me for details on something I barely remember. And when she doesn't get any she is going to be like a fish on dry land searching for water. And unfortunately that water is either Bennett or Shawn. Lovely.

"Well I know when it was and where, but the rest is blank. I only remembered it when Liz kissed my mom on the cheek, like how weird is that? "

"And nothing else?" I wanted to tell her how grateful I actually am, because I am at a loss for how I would talk to him again if I knew the kiss was initiated by a drunk me. But I opted for "yes nothing else, and I promise you I will tell you when I remember something else."

She just nodded and turned around, lying on her stomach. As I adjusted my legs to a more comfortable position I start to think of what I am going to do when Shawn is moving in next to us. What if he takes the bedroom on the bottom floor?

The houses on our street have a very similar build. When you walk into the front door there is a relatively big voyeur that has an entrance on the left side wall, going into the kitchen and living room. The door on the right side leads to a bathroom and extra bedroom with the television room for the children. The stairs is in the middle of the voyeur leading to the other bedrooms.

The build of Bennett's house is exactly the same but with the kitchen on the right side and the bedroom on the left side, facing mine. How convenient. He will most probably be in the same school. When we were on the farm he told me what subjects he has and surprisingly we have a lot of those in common. I will never be able to concentrate in classes, not with him being around.

I wouldn't even be able to sleep if he chooses the bottom room. With the knowledge that he is four foot away, and that we actually kissed and neither of us remembering it.

But there is a part of me, sadly a very big part that wants him to choose that room, wants him to sit with me at lunch and do projects with in classes.

Four feet is such an easy distance to cross in seconds if he has a nightmare. Or just wants to talk or if he just wants to see me. I just want to get to know the guy. Because we all know that the boy who left us a year ago is not the same man that is walking into the house next to mine tomorrow. With that though, I quickly drift of in to a soft dream of Alec's anniversary this year.

We were all young when Alec died, Shawn and I were six, Clare and Benn were eight, but we can all remember him. He and Shawn looked so much alike. With the dark brown hair, curly when it's a bit long and beautiful molten chocolate coloured eyes. The anniversary of his accident, seventh of June we always made excuses at school for a day off and drive to the farthest and most empty and isolated place for the year, and either drink and smoke, or drink and cry, or we would just sit in silence, honouring his life the best way we would know how.

This year was different though. Shawn wasn't there and we just talked. Not about barely remembered memories of Alec or sad stuff, we just talked about school, our lives, our favourite colours and all the little things. Even though Shawn wasn't there and it was his brother, we were all there; it's hard to abandon that tradition.

And this year was one of the hardest for me. When we came back from the abandoned ruins on the edge of town, I locked myself up in my room, praying that God would make Shawn's heart a bit lighter. To keep the bad dreams and visions out of his eyes. I prayed for hours on end that all my strength would be sent to him.