That One Summer

July 25, 2011 - Just Ask Him

Dear Diary,

At 12 am, the reception was still going as healthy and loud as ever.

I didn't know if Calvin was still refusing to look at me, because I was refusing to look at him.

My head kept jumping between thinking about what I saw on his computer screen, to the weird way he and grandpa were acting about that hideaway. Whenever I would get one thing out of my mind, the other would come back up.

That job was for a manager position. Why would Calvin turn down an awesome position like that? Why would he want to keep jumping from town to town every year? He said it was lame that he was working at an ice rink, so why wouldn't he take this awesome job? What was keeping him here, really? Did he really just like that dumpy Bear Paw motel so much that he didn't want to stop coming here every summer? Did he really need to keep coming to check on his grandma? I couldn't see anything wrong with Sylvia. She seemed healthy, energetic, independent. Other then the blood pressure she seemed to be watching, it didn't seem like she really needed Calvin watching over her.

But this was none of my business really, if this was really what Calvin wanted to do, I shouldn't make him feel bad about that. I just couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't what he really wanted. That he wanted to do more, that he was lonely out here. But what did I know? Calvin wasn't exactly open about his reasoning for anything. Everything he did, from the reason why he was here, to what was so secretive about the bridge, about the hideaway, about everything; it was all a mystery. And honestly, I was getting tired of asking questions that only got half answers. Whatever they were wanting hidden, they could keep it.

Now, I was just calculating in my head how I would afford to live on my own if I got the job on Monday. I wanted to get the heck out of there as soon as possible.

"Salmon Puff?" Vanessa asks, joining me on the patio. She's timid, and testing my mood because I had snapped at her earlier.

"No thanks." She purses her lips, defeated. "I'm not still mad." I continue when she's quiet.

"Good." She's shifting her weight and looking away, but I know that she's relieved. "I'm sorry I keep trying to push the Calvin thing. I just like to bug you."

"I know you do. It's just not funny anymore. He's a jerk."

"Did something else happen?"

Another server enters the kitchen and I look through the quickly swinging door to take a look at the crowded reception. It didn't look like anyone had intentions to leave any time soon. We'd still be here for a while and my feet were aching.

I knew Vanessa was dying to know, but I just didn't want to get into it all right now. The easy let down from Calvin, the way he wouldn't look at me. I didn't want to say it out loud.

"Can I tell you another time?" I answer.

"Okay." She nods.

"What's your news?" I had been so caught up with my own drama I forgot all about that look on Vanessa's face when she showed up in my room the day before. It was the look of news to come, something she had to tell me.

She doesn't ask me how I know she has something to say. We both know how it is between us, this secret language we had.

"Well..." she's twisting her lips and not looking at me, a nervous smile spreading across her red lips.

"You're making me nervous. What are you scared to tell me?"

"I know you're going to think this was too quick, and you're going to worry, but I really just want you to be happy for me."