The Longest Goodbye

Eight

                          Jade

I feel like I should be the one to do it. I should be the one to tell the kids that I'm dying. I don't want the others to not do it because they don't want to, I want to do it because it might make more sense coming from me.

I'm just not sure when to do it. I know it needs to be soon because I can feel myself getting worse with each passing day. But every time I cough I wonder if I would feel the same if I didn't know I was dying. What if I hadn't gone to the doctor? I would still be going through life with a bad cough, but in reality I would be one of the walking dead. How sad is that? I would die one night in my sleep and have not ever known that it was the end.

I begin to think about how I've lived my life like, and how I've treated others. I find myself ashamed of how prideful I was and as I look back I see that I've always thought that I was better than most people. This realization kills me. How many people have I hurt?

This question nags at me as I begin to cry and pray to God. I ask Him to forgive me of being so self-righteous, and to humble me. As I pray I can feel my heart aching as if God has already began working on me. Wiping away my tears, I pull my phone out and look at the time. It's only nine o'clock in the morning. I went into work yesterday and told my staff about my situation and that they should begin looking for new jobs since Jade's Veterinarian Clinic will soon be shutdown. I haven't been back since and I don't have plans to go back either.

I also called my agent and made sure that everything was in order for my family. I have life insurance so that will help them with a lot of things. I went ahead and pulled out my savings too. I paid off my house, gave part of it to charities and left the rest to my parents. I have everything settled and ready to go, but one thing; Champ.

I'm not sure who I want to leave my dog with. He's been my companion for over six years now, and he still has a lot of life in him. I want him to go to someone that can take care of him as well as I have.

As if he knows I'm thinking about him, Champ walks over to where I'm sitting on the porch floor, and he rests his large head on my thigh. I smile as tears form in my eyes. I've been crying a lot lately, I think that's a symptom of dying. I don't crying because I'm scared of dying or because I've not lived my life to the fullest; I'm crying because I'm going to miss so much.

I'll miss Andrew marrying his sweetheart, and the rest of my nephews and nieces getting married; I'll miss growing old with my siblings and joking about our good old days around our grandkids; I'll miss just being around the people I love and making new memories.

I cry knowing that I'm leaving soon and I haven't been fair to Drake. I love him; with my whole heart I love him. And because of my pride, I couldn't let myself be vulnerable in front of him. I'm seeing all my faults for the first time and it hurts that it took dying to wake me up.

I wipe at my teas knowing that I need to make peace with my situation, and just give everything over to God. I close my eyes and begin praying again. When I'm done, a sudden peace washes over me and I smile knowing God has answered my prayers.

Just then my cell phone starts ringing and I look down at the screen to see that James is calling me. But when I answer, it isn't James I hear, it's Allie. She crying like a baby and I can hardly understand a word she's saying. I tell her to calm down and say it one more time

"I got saved, Aunt Jade."

Joy overflows my heart and i start crying again, but they're joyful tears. God gave me and Allie both peace at the same time, but in different ways; this warms my heart.

"That's so great, Allie. I'm proud of you."

We talk for a while longer before I let her go to call everyone else with the good news. I lift my head toward Heaven and smile. God is so good.

                          
                           ~~*~~
                           Drake

The days at work seem to get longer and longer as time goes by. All I want to do is quit my job and be with Jade, but the smart thing to do is keep my job and visit her as much as I can. My head says one thing, but my heart tells me another and I'm not sure which one I should listen too.

I still haven't told her how I feel. It's not because I'm afraid or nervous, I'm just not sure how to tell her. When she broke up with me, she made it clear that she couldn't be in a serious relationship. I'm still not sure why, but that doesn't matter. She needs me and doesn't what to admit it; I want her and she doesn't want me to admit it. This thought puzzles me.

"Drake!"

I turn to find my supervisor yelling at me. I'm not sure why until I realize that I'm standing in the way of the dump truck. I don't know how I could have not noticed it coming. I move out of the way and the truck creeps by. My supervisor starts walking over to me, and I tense knowing this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

"Are you okay?" He asks. "Cause you seem to have lost your brain."

I look down at the ground before looking up into his dark eyes. "I left it back at my friend's house." I reply.

He looks shocked by my answer. "Do what?"

A flame of anger begins to flicker inside me. "I left my brain back at my best friend's house. You want to know why?" I don't wait for an answer. "She's dying with cancer and has no one to help her around right now, and I'm stuck here working instead of with her. So no I'm not okay!"

His eyes narrow at me. "That outburst wasn't needed."

I look away shacking my head. "I apologize." I hiss back.

"I don't care how hard your life is; every man's life is hard. So either you stop bringing your life problems to work, or you're out of here."

With that he walks away, and I burn a hole in his back with my eyes. He'll never understand, no one will.

                            ~~*~~
                             Jade

I'm sitting in my kitchen on a stool at the island. I can't stop staring at the large tank that I just brought in. My lungs are getting worse, and just like Dr. Bailey said, I'm going to need a air tank. But I don't think I want to wear it just yet.

I take in a deep breath and the smell of the many gardenia flowers fill my nose. I smile looking around the kitchen. Everywhere I look there's a vase of them setting fresh and tall. My heart warms knowing that Drake has given me every single on of them.

Champ walks into the house through his doggie door before sitting at my feet. I smile and pat his head a he stares at the tank. "I'll have to depend on that later on." He looks up at me as if asking why. "It'll be okay." I hope he believes the tone of my voice more than I do.

A knock comes at my door, and I slowly stand. My stomach rumbles when I do. It's already passed noon, but I haven't eaten all day; I'm just not hungry anymore. I cough hard before clearing my throat and pulling the door open. I freeze in place seeing who it is. Champ comes over to my side.

"H-hey Jade," he stutters. He's talk and muscular with a buzzed hair cut and dark eyes.

My stomach does a flip, and my brain is yelling for me to slam the door and run, but I can't move. His dark eyes hold me in place. When I left the clinic I hoped I'd never see him again. How did he even find out where it live? Champ growls lowly at him and he takes a step back.

"I know you're shocked to see me here." He sounds nervous, something I've never heard before. "Can we talk?"

I'm not sure what to do. I've trusted someone like him before and that choice ruined my life. "Out on the porch," is all I can get out.

I slowly step out and head toward the steps. Champ follows making sure he stays close to Ed. I sit on the top step and Ed follows my lead. His bulk makes the steps creek and I scoot against the railing.

He looks me over before looking away. Is that tears I see? "W-what's on your mind?" I try to sound casual.

He looks up with hurt in his eyes. "I came to apologize to you."

  ******************************
Do what??

Shocking....