I Want You to Stay

He's Home.

"Nobody wants him, he just stares at the world."

~Black Sabbath, Iron Man

Chapter 2.

I sit bolt upright with sweat and tears falling down my cheeks. A dream. Only a dream. It then hits me that it was only a dream. Peeta was only a dream. He's not coming back.

I look around the dull tan colored room. Same flannel green bedspread I've had here forever, same dark, wood finished dresser, same everything. Because why would I change it. I'm too busy lying around all day.

Mom's left me, Peeta's gone, Prim's gone and I'm all alone. Even Gale's left me. I'm glad about that one, his face haunts my nightmares with bombs and dead sisters.

There's always Haymitch, I tell myself often enough to get on my own nerves. It's not even like Haymitch is there. He's drowning his gut with alcohol and refuses to share. Bitch.

And then I find myself not wanting Sae here. She's keeping me alive. Why would she do that? I've dreamt at night that she's just keeping me alive so the government can come, take me hostage and torture me slowly. And then kill me. Not a bad plan actually. It's what should be done to the a criminally insane person like me.

I shake my head of all thought, letting my feet lead me to the kitchen where I hear Sae cooking breakfast. She says a good morning and I nod in response as she sets a plate of eggs, toast and bacon in front of me. I eat it quietly. She eyes me while I eat at a steady pace, forcing the unwanted vomit back down my throat.

"I really don't understand how you're still not gaining any weight, you eat all your food, you should be gaining it back!" She exclaims, exasperated. I just shrug, finishing my eggs and she sighs, gathering her stuff. "Well I'm heading out. Oh, by the way, Dr. Aurelius called, he wants you to call him back." 'Top of my list.' I think sarcastically to myself as she closes the door behind her.

I head off to the restroom and I look in the mirror. Longish, scraggly, crunchy hair. Burned, weak, scarred skin. Boring, lifeless, dead grey eyes. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire. I throw the towel at the mirror in disgust and walk out back to the living room. I sit down and look up at the ceiling. This has been what my everyday consists of now. I stare off into space for who knows how long until the front door bursts open. It doesn't startle me, I just look lazily to where I hear the door open. Haymitch stumbles in drunkly, a flask in his left hand and the other groping almost blindly down the hall.

"OY. SWEETHEART." He screams like I can't hear him. I don't speak, just quirk an eyebrow. "Get off your ass and go shoot me a deer." He snaps, throwing a pillow at me and plopping down next to me. I wrap my arms around the pillow and lay down on my side away from him. I shake my head, closing my eyes. Suddenly like a flashback, a bomb goes off behind my eyelids, forcing me to spaz and my eyes fly open. That happens at random times. Haymitch quirks an eyebrow at me and I settle back on my side. "You gotta get up, kid. You have to do something. You can't keep moping about the boy-"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM." I hiss in a croaky voice. Those are my first words all day. "He means nothing to me." I croak, burying my face in the pillow. "Nothing. And you can tell him that next time you talk to him." I croak, my eyes welling with tears at the thought of him.

"Why would I tell him that? Why not you?" He asks, poking my thigh.

"Calling him on the phone is pathetic, I can't do that." I whimper, my hands shaking as I wring them anxiously.

"Why would you call him!?" He exclaims, exasperated.

"I'M NOT GOING TO THE DAMN CAPITOL TO SAY 'AYE PEET HOW'VE YOU BEEN, BY THE WAY, YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME.'" I scream, tears falling down my face. His face falls into confusion.