Religious Texts

How Did We Get Here?

In the beginning, there was stuff. Lots of stuff. The lesbian gods had a very full(er) house. Since they had so much stuff and nowhere to put it, Ellen decided to do a giveaway. She gave away a whole bunch of really random stuff that the mortal mind can't even comprehend. Those who received a gift from the mighty and benevolent Ellen became a gay, but not just any kind of gay, a lesbian.
If you were a man, tough luck. Now you were a lesbian. Yup. Don't doubt the truth. This is just how things are. Yeah, I'm looking at you Vegetable8 and other, hopefully. Look, I can't actually look through the screen- I'll continue.
There were all kinds of lesbians. Big and small. Tall and Crimson107. What? That doesn't make me any less of a tøp!
Anygay, the lesbians were everywhere. Of course, the false gods of mortals did not approve of these lesbians so they mostly hid their true forms. Some people tried to sell their gift on Craigslist but Ellen caught them and gave them a different gift, bisexuality. Of course, some bisexuals were just people that had shared the gift with others or that the gift had only sort of worked on. The gods had a lot of stuff, some of it had to be faulty.
Patricia Highsmith, god of literature, presented herself in the physical form in the early twenties. Virginia Woolf was already writing by this time but this isn't about the bisexual gods (who are really just lesbian demigods).
Before you say it, no bisexuals aren't less important or powerful than lesbians. I'm a damn bisexual, okay? They're just different.
Patricia's arrival caused a change in the world. Most notably, the trend of butch and femme lesbians of the 50s. Well, Ellen saw all this and was all like "yeah, this just isn't going to work." So, she secretly dropped in on the world, not letting anyone know about the truth of what she was until 1997, two years after the death of Patricia Highsmith. She revealed herself to the world, allowing lesbians all around the world to finally be true to themselves. It was difficult but not at all impossible. She caused such a great shift that the other lesbian gods could finally have enough influence to fully join the mortal plane and influence things.
For example, Cate Blanchett, who had already been in the world since 1969 (yes that's correct, go check), could only fully take up her role in the pantheon in 2015 when she played Carol and broke all of our hearts.
Lesbian Jesus was placed in the world by the spirit of the lesbian in 1991, but only realised what she was in 1997, when she was six years old. As we all know, Girls Like Girls was released in 2015 and became a turning point in her career, allowing her to become the Lesbian Jesus she was always meant to be.
I could go on about the other gods but you should already know. Plus, if I let myself then this will go on for the next century. I don't need to be writing the next War And Peace.

I am writing some other things though. Things that will be out soonish. Seriousish things and meme things. I'm not motivated by what I was motivated by when I started publishing things in here but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop. If you have things you want me to read or write for you, you can leave a comment or something. (Shrugs).
Haha, but little do they know that no one will read this except maybe Vegetable because I mentioned them.