Grayson's Body

Undivided

Chapter 14: Undivided

Undivided

(ˌʌndɪˈvaɪdɪd)

adj

1. not divided into parts or groups

2. concentrated on one object, idea, etc: undivided attention.

March fell into April and suddenly there was full on spring, full on warmth and rain. You could feel it in the moisture around you and the way the trees had suddenly bloomed. The Ivory Chalice Magnolia, for example, were in full bloom. The large white chalice-shaped flowers were on the sides of the streets, in the parkways. I think people saw that as hope somehow. I did. I think spring does that to a person.

The news reporters had left eventually, their tire tracks making thick indentions in the roadways around Melody Lane, and people grieved. The flowers, all fresh and potent, were dying on the fresh gravestones. People would go there and freshen them up, bring new ones. That was just the way it was.

Life would go on, it seemed. It wasn't the end of the world, after all, even though to some it felt like that.

Like Chip, everyone thought we were going to be okay. She got better, the stomach bug leaving her complete, and it seemed like we all needed to leave our stomach bugs behind. Things could only get better. When you hit rock bottom, do you know what? All you can do is look up. All you can do is go up from there.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The bruise on my stomach yellowed, and then turned this light brown. It faded, and I was left walking through the downtown streets looking at everyone who would pass by. I would think: is it you who killed Cole Kozelle? Was it you who tore his throat out and drained him of blood?

It was crazy, I know. But I'd stand in line in the grocery store, my hands clenched around the bar of the cart, and I'd feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I felt like I was being watched and it unsettled me. I'd look around but there was no what but me being all paranoid.

Eventually, after a couple weeks, I let it fade. I tried to stop about it, obsessing over it. I pushed all of those thoughts away from me. I focused on school, as always, and I let myself be immersed in my studies. I was applying for scholarships, I was thinking of being away from Kettle and I was thinking about Mom. What would it be like when she wasn't with me next year? Would she be okay on her own?

I pushed until I couldn't see them anymore, until I let things be in the past, until I had nothing left but of thought of school and Chip and-

And there was Grayson, as always. He was there beside me, he was there at my house as I made dinner. I'd be at his. We would do our homework together on the floor of his bedroom. He'd complain. I'd listen.

And do you remember when I said he had changed?

Well, yeah, I started feeling that too. I think that if I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't have been able to see it.

Maybe I really was going crazy.

-

It was two weeks after the candle light vigil, and I was at Grayson's house. His dad had come home for a second to retrieve a different set of keys; he was wearing a nice outfit: white button up, his dress pants ironed and straight. He looked like the perfect all-American dad. He glanced at me on the couch and I looked back at him. I hadn't seen him in such a long time. He wasn't really at the house much, if you get what I'm saying.