Death Note x reader oneshots

Matt x reader: Social Anxiety

Your pov.

I dislike a variety of things, like any other person. I dislike spiders, sweat, scary things, the way my clothes stick to my skin when they're wet, etc. Everyone has things they like and dislike; it's how we're made. And everyone has that one thing they just absolutely cannot stand.

I have two of those things: any situation where I draw a lot of attention to myself, and physical contact.

Everyone always says things like "oh, she's just shy", or "she's only a little unsure about this new situation". Both are false statements. I am not shy. I am never a little unsure about anything.

I can handle things like going out with my friends, or talking to a cashier when I'm purchasing something. If I'm talking to a small group of people-anything below six-I function just as well as any other "normal" person.

The problem is when I'm drawing attention to myself. I overthink everything when I know I am, or am going to be, the center of attention. When everyone's eyes are on me, I panic. I start sweating, I tremble, I breathe small, quick breaths, I can't get the words I want to say out, I can't think straight.... Anxiety overwhelms me in those moments of my life.

I'm just shy? Shy people don't overreact to those types of situations and have panic attacks because of them.

And physical contact isn't any better. When people hug me, or hold my hand, or tap on my shoulder, or even bump into me accidentally, I panic. I get so desperate to escape the touch of another person, it's all I can think about. I have to get away. That's all I can think in those moments of my life. I've had to leave the room when watching a movie because I can feel the touch of someone else when two people are close together on the screen.

I know it's irrational to panic when I'm the center of attention, and I know it's stupid to be afraid of physical contact, but it's not like I can just...stop hating it. It isn't something I can just get used to. If you're suffering from arachnophobia, do you just get used to spiders? No? Then why would I get used to things like that if I have social anxiety?

This is something my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand. He's the opposite of me when it comes to physical contact and social interaction. While I start overreacting if I have to associate with more than five people, he gladly draws in flocks of people to talk to. While I have a panic attack over seeing someone touch another person, he's all for physical affection, like hugs and cuddles. I see him as a very brave person for being able to enjoy doing those things, but I wish he would respect my desire for personal space more often.

"(y/n), do you want to come over and play games with me?" my overly affectionate boyfriend asked through the speaker of the phone.

I stared up at the ceiling as I lay on my back, enjoying the soft, fluffiness of my bed's mattress. That was the only thing I could enjoy in that moment. Just the idea of going to his place was stirring up my overreactions.

"I...I guess that sounds fun," I agreed softly. How can I say no? He's too perfect when he's not touching me.

"Awesome. The door will be unlocked when you get here," he informed. "I'm going to order a pizza. See you soon, babe! I love ya."

"Love you too..." I mumbled right before he hung up.

I sighed, letting my hand fall carelessly to the side as I closed my eyes. Why did I say yes? I know he's going to want some sort of physical contact as soon as I get there. He always does. Whether it be hugs, kisses, just holding hands, he has to touch me as soon as he sees me. It's sweet and all, and I understand how much he likes contact, but he doesn't understand the anxiety it gives me.