State of Mind

Chapter 1

Deafening cracks of gunfire filled the room as I heard bodies drop to the floor.

Blood, all I saw was blood. My mother lying in bed shot, my father lying on the floor with his gun still in his hand, shot so many times all I could see was blood. I bolt to my brother's bedroom to see him on the floor bleeding out but still alive.

"Noah!" I run to him and put him in my arms.

"Stay with me buddy please don't leave me!" He opens his eyes and looks at me. I call out to my father's men, they had been alerted by the alarm.

" Ava..."

" Noah. Please stay with me, help is coming..."

"Ava... I love you."

"Find who did this. Avenge us."

"Noah! Noah!"

"Noah!" I wake up to find myself laying in bed.

Another nightmare. It's 4:00 am and I've barely gotten any sleep. I drag myself out of bed and head to the kitchen. I grab a glass and fill it with water. Pausing for a moment, I leave the kitchen and head to the balcony. I open the doors and step toward the railing, looking down at the city. It's 4:00 am and the city is alive, in a way you don't see during the day. People walking about, from where and where to, I don't know. The homeless shouting, the drunks getting into cabs, corner boys on one side slinging dope, on the other side counting their cash. I watch, unable to judge them because I myself, am no saint.

My father, Adrian Giammari, was the biggest threat in New York City. He ran a tight ship of the most feared mob in this city. He was wise, a smart man, never to be caught by no police or FBI agent. I took over his rule. Everything my father had, was given to me, the only child he had left. I, Ava Giammari, am the Giammari family boss.

As I said, my father was a smart man. He cared for me and my brother, especially our safety. When I was 16, my father taught me how to fight. Eventually, he taught me how to shoot a gun. He did the same with Noah. Although he taught me these skills, he made it known to me that I would never take over.

My father was very adamant about that, about allowing leadership to be passed down to me. I did push on the topic a lot, but only because I felt like I was more than capable of doing it, not my brother. Noah and I always talked about his absent desire to be the next leader, he would tell me about his preference to go to college and become a teacher. He took passion in helping children learn, as he was very good with kids. Me on the other hand, well I was never very maternal.

So I made it my mission to prove to my father that I had what it takes to become a leader. I studied his business deals, what it was about and what went down between the deals. I knew I was a smart girl, I've always been, but even so, my father would not budge.

I remember the night Noah turned 18. It was the worst night of my life, not only because of the fight I had with my father, but because that was the last night I saw my family alive ever again.

That night, is still clear as day in my head, it all went down six years ago. When Noah turned 18, my father told Noah to meet him at the conference room that my father had in our house. While they were in there, I placed my ear on the door and heard my father going over what Noah was going to be responsible for, meaning he was finally transitioning into the family business.

My blood boiled.

I became inconsolable. I was sad, angry, but mostly, hurt. I ran to my room and began slamming everything onto the floor. My father followed behind after hearing the thuds and swung the door of my room wide open.

"What the hell are you doing Ava!" He shouted.

"Why the fuck do you care!"

"Because you are making noise and we have guests downstairs!"

"So, you're giving it to Noah anyways. After I've asked you multiple times to reconsider."

"Ava... This is non-negotiable."

"But..."

'Non-negotiable!"

I look away from my father and sit on my bed. I don't get sad and start crying, instead, I start getting angrier.

"Ava, you want to know the reason why I'm giving it to Noah?"

"Why?"

"Because honey, women don't have any place in leadership. They're emotional, sympathetic, and it gets in the way of business."

"They fall in love too easily, and that is when business gets compromised"

"Then I won't fall in love! Please, dad, I promise you,"

"Ava, you're humorous, it's not up to you honey. Yeah sure, you can claim you don't feel anything but love is stronger than you think. You don't know because you've never experienced it, but when it happens you'll understand. I didn't know what love was either until I met your mother."

I come back to reality and step back inside my apartment, closing my balcony doors. I continue to think about what my father said about love.

"Yeah, when it happens" I say to myself.

Falling in love will never happen, not to me. I've made it this far bringing the family business to glory. I made it here by myself, I had nobody to help me then and I don't need anybody now.

I put my glass in the sink and head back to my bedroom where I try to fall asleep again. I continue to think about what my father said about love. I try to push it out of my head, eventually drifting off to sleep.