State of Mind

Chapter 15

Osvaldo's POV

I couldn't help but wonder, what was she going to tell me?

I leaned against the wall while she leaned on the balcony railing and in her typical fashion, looked out over the distance of buildings and skyscrapers that the city is filled with. The nightly breeze brushed through her damp dark brown hair, causing it to flow gracefully onto her back.

Her hands were neatly folded leaving her to fidget with her thumbs. "Certain events transpired this week, making me question if I would make it through the other end. I couldn't really bring myself to speak to anyone, however, I could bring myself to think, as usual. My thoughts ran deep which made me feel like I was losing my mind. I just feel like this time, my thoughts ran deep on something I thought they never would have before," she said timidly.

She cleared her throat before continuing.

"My thoughts consisted of only one string of events, and... it wasn't my usual thoughts of my family or Dante. These thoughts Osvaldo, they were about you."

What? It shocked me to think that all of these days that she hadn't spoken to me, she was thinking about me. It dawned on me that I had truly been an asshole, god knows how she feels about me now.

"I had thought about what you said, about how you think I am afraid. I thought about how I reacted to what you said but more or less, why you had said it to me. I wondered how you saw this in me, something I never noticed in myself."

You could tell by her composure, she was fighting back the urge to halt her speech. Her head tilted slightly to her right, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip before continuing.

"That was when I came to the conclusion Osvaldo, that..." she paused slightly and took a deep breath before continuing. "You were... right."

Ava's POV

I could hear him shuffle in the back and walk up to my side, leaning against the railing as I did.

"You had a point, Osvaldo. Quite often, I do tend to run away from feelings. I have been treating you unfairly, leaving you astray. I just... I'm not used to people pushing me the way you do."

"I'm sure Dante pushes you every now and then. Why have I become a threat to you?"

"It's because... you make me feel something, something I shouldn't feel Osvaldo. It's something I'm not supposed to feel," I admitted.

I felt my legs start to shake as I battled controlling my anxiety and fear to fit into a situation like this. I never expected myself to be so upfront about it but it had to be done, for both of us. He stood idle for a few seconds, collecting his thoughts and then continued the conversation.

"You make me feel things I'm not supposed to feel as well and my situation is worse than yours. I live with the aggressor Ava, but so do you."

"What are you saying?" I asked, wondering if his intention was in blaming me.

"I'm saying that we both live two very different lives, yet we share the struggle of having a powerful barrier that's preventing us from moving forward. Mine just so happens to be my own father. But yours? Ava, it's your own mind." He spoke with a tender tone in his voice. When I looked back up to him our eyes locked, and I recognized something in his face that was very familiar to me; pain. It was something I recognized in his voice as well. He spoke with deep pain buried within him. With his brows furrowed, his eyes slowly blinked and he looked down, seemingly deep in thought still. He let out a deep sigh while running his fingers through his thick black hair.

He looked out into the distance as my gaze met his chest, slowly trailing up to his face. His body was slightly tensed up with his hands folded together. He stood firm in that position for a little while longer before slowly turning around and facing me again.