Random Avengers Stories

Avengers on Crack 2

It all started a quiet morning in the Avengers tower when Loki decided to show up and cause problems, Thor says to Loki "Isn't there one day when you can't cause pandemonium?" Loki replies "I just need to put this whiskey in their OJ," Thor says "You better not I ain't having another pantsing episode in god damn wall of mart," Loki tells him not to drink it, and puts it in.

Later that morning....

Peter is running around the house chasing a spider with a flame thrower; Tony is furious he wakes up to peter screaming tony grumbles "So much for a good night sleep, god damn kids and their bs." Tony feels a random urge coming over him; Tony yells "Thor whaddya put in the orange juice," Thor replies "Oh you will see, I thought it would liven up the environment." Tony is ticked off way too much. Tony is fed up "The next time you pull this shit, Thor, I'm gonna put my iron fist up your ass while your brother stabs you 27.5 times." Thor says "Tony ease up you're gonna give yourself a heart attack. Oh sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of your condition and kill your ego there, but maybe this is why you don't have kid." Tony says "DON'T BRING KIDS INTO THIS, PEPPER WASN'T UP FOR THE RESPONSIBILITIES. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED I AIN'T REALLY FAMILY MAN. I'm A BILLIONAIRE WITH DADDY ISSUES AND A PARENT MURDERER LOKI IN MY HOUSE. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO TEACH CHILDREN ALL MY LESSONS IN LIFE. I GOTTA PAY FOR THE MOST EXPENSIVE TOWER IN THIS CITY. AND IT AIN'T BY RAISING KIDS I SURE AS HELL WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU DUMB FUCK."

Loki then walks in and proceeds to stab Thor because he's bored and doesn't want to see Bucky on Clint's dicky. Thor then says something to Tony "Holy shit you egotistical, eccentric man your little ego gets mad about the littlest fucking shit, its like I can't talk to you, without offending you." Then Peter runs in and freaks out because "iTs tOnY FuCkEn sTaRk, ItS ToNy fUcKeN StArK!!!" then Tony screamed like a girl and hid behind Thor crying because "There is a freaky spider and spiders are scary, and this one is huge and its possessing peters body. That freaking spider has demonic children that scream vulgar peen flies." They Skype each other, and all the Avengers went wee wee in their pants then went to the flower store. They all had accidents, and they ran into Deadpool and Thanos on a blind date. They both were having a jolly time killing peeps and eating their body dust. Thanos's fetish is body glitter, and dust and Deadpool's is dead people and having fun with women especially his wife Vanesssssssaaaaaaaa, but she's a dick sometimes. Especially on Wednesdays then Peter showed up and laid 57 eggs. The eggs hatched to become spiders with peters face on them, and Vanesssssssaaaaaaaa had to raise them as a single mom, tho Tony helped pay for his spider grand-babies college, Deadpool was excited because he loves spiders and peters peter ass and the sad trash hobo Bucky. The Avengers finally got over their Avengers and started helping people go to Disneyland. But the rides were closed, and everyone was angry as little ear men, slowly climb in ears and mate the others were hibernating. So the Black Widow made scarves, then Antman exploded while he was doing his mating calls and then there was an avalanche — actually an ear-valanche.