BLAKE | a. hotchner

26

A/n: Just one more chapter to go! How y'all feeling?

"Aaron, what the fuck?" I threw my arms out helplessly in the air, "did this weekend mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it did!" He turned to face me, "it meant the world to me but you know we can't continue this."

"Don't you bullshit with my feelings, Aaron Hotchner, I won't have it." I said in a warning tone. He stood silently for a while, just looking at me. It felt like he could see through my soul, not that I wasn't willing to show him every part of me.

"I love you, Alex," he said suddenly.

Shock paralyzed my body as I stood there with my mouth open. "But, why?" Was all I managed to say.

I wanted those words to come out of my mouth like they had his just a few seconds ago, but they didn't. I couldn't say it and it drove me crazy, why couldn't I just say?

"Alex," he looked me dead in the eye, "I'm serious."

"And I'm sorry, Aaron," I stepped forward to grab his hand but he moved away.  I sighed, "I just-"
"Can't say it," he cut me off, I could see his jaw tense up.

"No, I can!" I cried out, "Aaron, I do."

"Then say it, Alex, say it to me," he looked almost angry as he stared at me and I wanted so badly to hug him.

"Aaron, what I'm saying is that I," I took a deep breath, "I-I-" I cut myself off.

"What you're saying is that you don't love me," he said. "What you're saying is that this weekend meant nothing to you!" He pointed his finger at me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Of course it did," I whispered. "This weekend was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I don't think we deserve each other. I love you too much and you don't care at all," Aaron started. "And it breaks me to know that I only receive a portion of what I give," the tears in his eyes had disappeared and been replaced with an emotionless look.

I didn't know how to react, what was he talking about? "Of course I care about you," my voice was far from steady and I knew that it would give up if  I continued but I did anyways.

"Are you serious right now?" I whispered. "Look, I suck at taking tests and expressing my feelings, and following orders and starting conversations," tears were slowly running down my face. "And right now I am so scared that being with you is the only thing I've ever been good at, you make me good." I was desperate at this point, disappointed in myself for not saying it back to him.

Aaron just looked at me, there was no emotion in his eyes whatsoever. "We're done, Alex, I'm done." Giving me one last look, he left me in his office.
That's when everything came crashing down

I fell to the floor as my crying became more aggressive. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I was just stuck. I had lost him and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like I didn't know how to breathe, my whole body was numb and at that moment, it felt like I was dying.

You know the moment when you're crying and you try so hard to stop but the tears just keep coming and you can't control it, that's called falling apart. And that's exactly what I was doing; falling apart.

The next day we ignored each other. And kept ignoring each other for days, pretending like the other person didn't exist. But deep down, we both knew it wasn't supposed to end like this.

And all I could think about was how he promised me forever in a world where even life is only temporary.

***

A few weeks passed and Aaron wouldn't even look at me, not that I could blame him. I missed him, it was crazy empty when he didn't speak to me. Cases came and went, honestly I wasn't much help as I didn't keep much focus. I wanted Aaron to talk to me, so much that I went every length to make him pay attention to me, but the effort was pointless as he never stopped ignoring me. Instead it was Dave who pulled me aside the morning after our latest case a few weeks after mine and Aaron's fight.

"Alex, what's going on with you?" He looked at me with the face that told me I couldn't lie to him.

"Aaron and I had this huge fight, which I assume you know about?" He nodded and I sighed, he's a profiler, what did I expect? Plus, Aaron tells him everything so he doesn't even have to use his skills. "I just think it's stupid, you know?" I let out a small breath of air, "it's supposed to be me and him, isn't it?"

"Of course it is, you just gotta give him some time," Dave grabbed my shoulder softly and smiled. "But do you love him?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that?" I leaned against the wall in the corridor we were currently standing in.

"Because love is kind of important in a romantic relationship, Alex," Dave smirked.

"I know! I just-" I cut myself off by sighing. "Everything's Strauss' fault! I want to be with the guy, so sue me!" I raised my voice unintentionally and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "Do I care for him? Yes, of course. Do I have feelings for him? Undeniably. But I do love him!" I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand as soon as the words bounced off my tongue.

Dave smirked, "you should go tell him that."

I smiled and hugged him quickly before hurrying back into the office, I had to find Aaron and convince him to give me another chance. But before any of that could happen, Strauss' interrupted.

"Blake, my office," she said.

"Right now?" I whined, "I have something I really need to do."

"Yes, right. now." She said in a warning tone. I sighed and made my way over to her.

Strauss was such a cockblock, like honestly, how many times has she come between me and Aaron?
Correct, too many times.