Beside You *Muke*

Chapter 12

My breathing is labored as I sit with my head between my knees on my porch. I was screwed. Michael knew about my cutting which meant he would tell Ashton who would come to me about it. My hands shook and I rock back and forth on my heels, searching for any sense of comfort and coming up empty. 

"Luke," I hear Michael hiss and I look up, more and more panicked with each passing second. "You're going to tell me what those cuts are for," 

I look up from my knees and find his eyes angered and upset. "N-No. N-Now's not the t-time," I mumble into my hands, throat and chest tight. 

"No, you're going to tell me now," He growls, pulling up my sleeve and pointing at the cuts. "Tell me why. Tell me why you think you have to fucking do this to yourself, Luke," He yanks me to my feet and I yelp in surprise, tears twinkling through my vision. 

"M-Michael, p-please," I whisper in worry, running my shaky hands through my hair. I cough, choking on air as I try and get it into my lungs but my panic attack doesn't seem to faze Michael. 

"Tell me!" He shouts, face inches from mine. 

Everything was spinning and black dots dance across my vision. I cough again, clawing at my through and begging for more air to enter my lungs. "Michael, I can't-- I can't b-breathe," I whimper, tears streaming down my face and that's when the anger in his eyes seems to wash away and he comes back to his senses.

"Luke," His eyes widen as he speaks my name and he pulls me closer but I shove him away. 

"G-Get a-away. You're making it wors--" 

"Get away from him, you prick!" I hear Ashton shout, plowing through Michael to get to me. He pulls me into a muscled bicep embrace and when Michael shoots him a confused look, Ashton glares his way. "You were fucking yelling at him, you shithead. You can't do that to him. That only makes his attacks worse," Ashton pulls me out of our hug, taking a look at me, trying to assess what to do next.  "Can you breathe okay, Lukey?" He asks although we both knew the answer to that. 

I cough, still choking on the air I was still trying to force into my lungs and shake my head. "N--" I start but go into a coughing fit again, making Michael's eyes widen. 

"Don't try and talk, Lukey, okay? Just hold on for a second, yeah?" I nod my head slowly, continuing to rock on my heels as I listen to Ashton boss Michael around in a worried frenzy. "Get him a glass of water and a brown paper bag from his room in a shoe box under his bed." Michael nods, looking slightly confused yet follows his orders. "You're gonna be okay, Lukey," Ashton says, holding me in his arms again. 

"Here," Michael pants, coming back with the two items Ashton had listed off. Ashton hands me the paper bag first, opening it up and pressing it into my hands with a gentle, hummingbird light and delicate touch.

I begin to take the deepest breaths I can muster into the brown bag and Ashton rubs my back as I do so, taking a permanent seat next to me on the steps. "Better?" He asks me after a few minutes and I nod my head. "Okay, drink this," He says lightly, handing me the glass. The liquid sloshes around the clear glass in my trembling hands but it somehow finds it's way to my lips and I down the whole thing in less than a minute. "Better?" He asks again and I shake my head. 

"I think I'm gonna puke," I whisper, embarrassment creeping into my tone. 

"That's okay. I'll be here. Michael, get Luke's toothbrush and toothpaste from the bathroom. His is the blue one held in the cheesy looking Christmas mug," Michael nods his head and sprints off back into the house, leaving Ashton and I alone again. "He's gone now, Lukey. It's alright to puke," He says, a joking tone lacing his words. 

I nod my head and if on cue, I throw up into the bushes. "Gross," I whisper, an acrid taste coating my tongue. I start up again, dry heaving this time, nothing else coming up, repulsed by the taste lingering in my mouth. I shake my head, spitting and Ashton wipes my mouth with his sleeve. 

"It'll be okay, Lukey," He tells me, wiping my sweaty fringe from my features. "Michael, hurry up with that toothbrush!" 

"Coming!" Michael replies breathily before coming back to me with my toothbrush and a glass of water, toothpaste in the opposite hands. Ashton takes the toothpaste from me gently when I'm done smearing it and I busy myself with brushing my teeth, focusing on getting the bitter taste from my mouth. 

"Thanks Ashie," I say through a mouthful of foam and he only smiles at me, letting out a cheeky laugh. Once my mouth had been throughly cleaned, I go back to the bathroom and put my toiletrees away, stomping back down the stairs to the front door, only to find Ashton and Michael fighting. 

"What the fuck were you thinking, Clifford?" Ashton hisses. 

"He was cutting, Ashton, what'd you expect me to do?" Michael growls in responce. 

"Be there for him. Not fucking scream in his face." He sighs, sounding frustrated. "I mean, Jesus, you saw how he was when he came to your house that one night with his knuckles. He was near hysterical and from what I saw, you handled it alright. How come you couldn't have handled this?" Ashton wonders.

"I just-- I couldn't handle him doing that to himself. How could he harm his beautiful skin like that? What's going on in his life that's making him do such a thing?" 

"That's not my story to tell," Ashton mutters and in that moment, I walk out to the two of them, looking down at my shoes. 

"Can we cuddle and watch a movie, Ashie?" I ask quietly and my best friend nods, scooping me under his arm and offering me a small smile. The two of us walk to his car, leaving Michael in the dust. 

So I feel like it's been a while since I've updated. My updates may be slow for a while bc school just started and that means homework and tests and stuff. I hope you liked it anyway. 

-Shianne xx