Beside You *Muke*

Chapter 34

So peytonbeaty7 sent this video on the side to me earlier today bc she knows I'm struggling with self harm and stuff. It made me cry tbh. Um, anyway, if you guys are struggling with self harm as I am, watch the video I've linked as many times as you need. Also, you're all free to PM me. I don't mind. I love talking to you guys tbh and you all are my whole world.

It had been two days. Two days since I had gone to that party with Jack and two days since I had been living with Michael. His father wasn't so keen on Michael and I sharing a room but as far as Karen was concerned, she barely batted an eyelash. For this I was grateful. I finally had a family who loved me.

"Are you sure you're not hungry, sweetie?" Karen asks me one morning as Michael and I sit at his kitchen table.

I fiddle with my fingers and shake my head. "No, I'm okay," I promise her and she nods while Michael gives me an unconvinced look. "I just really don't feel good," I reply. "I feel sick," I tell him and it was the truth.

"That's because you haven't eaten anything, sugar," Michael informs me and I shake my head. I leave the kitchen and head back to Michael's room, sitting on his bed and rock on my heels, resting my head between my knees. "Luke?" Michael calls and I don't make any effort to try and switch my position. "What's wrong, baby? What's going on?"

"I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything," I murmur as I continue to rock, gaze locked on Michael's swaying bed sheet.

"Why not, sweetheart?" He asks, coming to my side and rubbing circles into my back.

"Because I keep having these dreams about my mom. About what she used to do and it's all I can think about now," Tears stream down my face and my chest grows tight. I take it then upon myself to look up at Michael in a panic. My breathing quickens and as soon as Michael notices this, panic washes over his face as well.

"Shh, baby," He coos, pulling me into his arms. "You're safe now. You don't have to worry," I nod my head slowly, breath coming back to normal after several minutes and more calming words from Michael. "You don't have to go back to her, darling," His words are slow and reassuring, calming my erratic heartbeat and I force a nod, not sure what to say. 

"Thank you," I say after a few minutes, curled into his chest. "I love you I love you I love you," I chant quietly into the black fabric. 

"I love you too, princess. Now how's about you take a nap and we'll see if you're hungry later," He pulls me closer without another word and I shut my eyes, the deep thud of his heartbeat lulling me asleep and whisking me away. 

***

"No, you listen to me, Liz," I hear Michael growl and I peak past my eyelashes to find him sitting at the edge of the bed with my phone clasped between his large hands, teeth grit as he spits out responses. "Luke's not coming back there. He doesn't want to see you. Maybe he would've if it wasn't for what you did to him." 

"He told you?" Liz whispers on the other line, sounding pained.

"'Course he did. He's my boyfriend. We keep no secrets," I can't help but smile at Michael's words. It still shocked me he was able to use Luke and boyfriend in the same sentence without sounding ashamed. "Now I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't try and contact him again," He hangs up the phone after that and I shut my eyes to feign sleep only causing him to chuckle. "I know you're awake, sweetheart," He tells me, peppering kisses on my cheeks. 

I giggle, looking up at him. "Oh," I reply lightly, sitting up and running my fingers through his hair. "Jesus, you're so fucking perfect," I murmur, bright smile lining my cheeks. 

"You think so?" He asks, begging for compliments and I nod my head. 

"Of course," I answer, getting up from the bed and taking his hand. "C'mon, I'm starving,"  

I watch as a smile flits on to Michael's lips at my words and once we get to the kitchen,  he asks, "What kind of sandwich would you like?" 

I shrug my shoulders, taking a seat at the kitchen table and say, "Surprise me. You sure are good at that," 

Michael snorts, taking random condiments out of the fridge and starts to assemble my sandwich as I try and collect my thoughts. How had my mother been holding up since I hadn't shown back up at the house? Was she sad? Mad? Understanding? Upset? I had no clue and for some reason that bugged me. But why would it? That woman hadn't been my life for years. What gave her the right to come barging back into it now? 

"Here ya go, sweetheart," He smiles, placing a plate in front of me. A sandwich holding white bread, bacon, lettuce, tomato and mayo lies in front of me and my stomach flips at the sight. 

My hands had begun to shake and I scrunch my nose up in disgust and unease. "Mikey I--" I sigh shakily and rest my head in my hands. "I-I thought I could handle it but with it right in front of me..." I trail off, shaking my head and sealing my lips shut. 

Michael kisses my cheeks lightly and squeezes my hand gently. "It's too heavy of a meal, I get it, Lukey. I'll just make you something else and I'll have the sandwich, darling," He says, going back to make something else. "How's soup sound?" I nod my head with a grateful smile. 

"Soup sound grand," 

So yeah, that was the chapter. I hope you guys liked it and please don't forget to watch the video on the side. It helped me a lot tbh. I've managed to stay clean for 7 months. It'll be 8 months on the 5th but it's been getting really hard lately. There have been days where I want to just give up and give in to the call of my razor but you guys have been keeping me going so thank you for that. 

-Shianne xx