RENDEZVOUS

31 | weight of the world

renjun shuffled into school on tuesday morning like the whole world was weighing down on his shoulders.

because, in a way, it was.

the gay debate, as he'd taken to calling it in his head, was still ongoing in his house, and it didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon. though, it wasn't exactly a debate - it was more of a warzone, and renjun had the bruises to prove it. the moment he stepped through the front door it was like stepping into a minefield, like he could set someone off at any second. you'd think the constant anxiety of dodging bullets would make him even more anxious for his two day art exam, but it was the opposite. being in school for the ten hour practical exam was somewhat of a relief, since art was the only thing that could take his mind off things.

last night's argument had been one of the worst though.

something had set his mother off and then they'd been at it again - her getting angry and frustrated, taking out her shame and lack of understanding out on renjun, whilst renjun tried and failed to defend himself. his father didn't seem particularly bothered by the fact that his son was obviously gay, or that there was a video of him kissing another boy online (that still hadn't managed to be taken down everywhere) but sitting back and doing nothing was like adding to the blows too.

renjun hung his head on his way into the school building. there was a fresh red mark on his cheekbone from where she'd struck out last night, and it stood out too much. it stung too, but it didn't hurt quite as much as how hard his heart was aching.

and if that wasn't enough, he was barely sleeping either. he was constantly kept awake by the sound of his own thoughts and the worries he just couldn't escape.

it was too hard to face anything else, or anyone.

"...renjun?"

fuck, just the voice he didn't want to hear (yet at the same time longed to). how could they have run into each other like this? renjun was just taking the shortest route across the courtyard to the art block.

jeno probably had revision. he was probably doing the same.

"renny, can we talk? please, i-"

renjun forced himself to look at him, and it hurt just as much as he'd expected it to - if not more. every muscle in his body wanted to crash into jeno's embrace, shower him with forgiveness and make everything okay again. renjun had to hold himself back. things wouldn't ever be the same.

"i'm gonna be late, i've got an exam." he moved to leave, his words cold and clipped as he tried to shoulder past the taller boy.

jeno reached out to grab his arm on impulse, stopping renjun in his tracks. "wait!" he begged, "can we at least talk at lunch? please, just give me a chance to explain... i can fix things-"

renjun tore his arm away, and the look on jeno's face broke his heart. "if you want to fix things" he said, trying to keep his voice level, "just leave me alone, jeno."

and with those words burning on his tongue, renjun stalked off across the school yard. never before had he wanted his ankle brace back, slowing him down so that jeno could catch up and pull him back, and hug him and convince him to stay. but jeno didn't run after him. after all, renjun had made it very clear he wanted nothing more to do with him.

the next few hours were spent forgetting the world and immersing himself in his exam artwork so that renjun could try, just try to get jeno out of his head.

it didn't work.

his teacher had asked about the red mark on his cheek and renjun had lied, saying he'd slipped and hit his face on the floor when he fell. he didn't tell her about any of the other bruises either. by the time break came around, renjun was getting paranoid that everyone was staring at the red mark, and he went over to the mirror in the corner of the art room to check if it was as red and angry as it felt.