The Tears of Thirteen Years

Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay! I still have flu, but I'm back, armed with a tissue box.

I have not followed canon closely as I wanted Wangji to take an active role in raising Lan SiZhui at least for now. Sorry if its disappointing.

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There were many occasions in life, when Wangji felt that words were not necessary and several times when words simply failed him.

A-Yuan doesn't seem mind that he is quiet.

By resolutely not allowing himself to think of any moment beyond this one, this breath... this situation...he had been able to painstakingly begin a routine. A-Yuan would arrive at seven am every morning, quietly following Lan Ai along what must seem like endless corridors, but his little face was always happy when he walked inside the Jingshi.

A-Yuan is a quiet, obedient child, often nervous but never timid. He sits just inside the door, ignoring the stool to remove his boots, before quickly padding inside, excited to learn and discover.

His cheerfulness is surprising, considering that the Cloud Recesses are new environment and to be frank, he was Wei Ying's son. A man who might have been a feared demonic cultivator as an adult, but Wangji had known him as a troublemaker well before that, flouting rules like water flows off a crane's back. Yet, he had taught A-Yuan manners, patience and kindness, so much so that the boy is a pleasure to teach and his table manners for a three year old, are impeccable.

Wangji has effortlessly become 'Father' a fact that would worry him, because it is a title that belongs to Wei Ying, but in A-Yuan's mind, Wei Ying is still his mother. The child refuses to think otherwise, so Wangji allows the subject to lie dormant, but recently he has learned that there was at some point, a Grandmother. He is curious but Yuan goes quiet and barely speaks for the rest of the lessons, so unlike the usual effusive response, so he asks nothing further.

Xichen is pleased to see how well he has settled in and A-Yuan is soon calling him uncle, sitting by his feet when he plays his xiao or tells him stories, that even entertain Wangji.

"You are a father now, Wangji. I am proud of both you." He says one night, as he leaves.

He is a father. It seems so strange to have earned that title, to look at this beautiful child, so adorably loving and be able to say that he is his son.

When he plays Inquiry, he pleads for Wei Ying to come home. To come back to him.

When he plays Sorrow, he asks about Yuan. Asks if Wei Ying is angry, he is now Yuan's father, in an official sense. There is no reply, but Yuan finds a red ball with no owner, the following day and Wangji wonders if this Wei Ying's blessing.

During their lessons, he ignores the pain and tries not to think about Wei Ying too much. He uses the time to engage with Yuan, to teach and to strengthen their bond, because that is what Wei Ying would say. "Without roots a tree cannot grow Lan Zhan!"

Roots. Yes. So he tries to overcome his own reticence. He learns that Yuan has understandable issues with food, that he tries to overcome. The issues are born from starvation and Wei Ying himself had a complex relationship with food. He enjoyed it, when he remembered to eat, but seemed to be able to go days without sustenance, well before he became the Yiling Patriarch or even studied inedia.

The answer he finds, is to cook them a meal for the midday break. He would be lying if he claimed the look of wonder on Yuan's face is not part of the reason, but the unconsidered benefit has been Yuan's excitement.

He would stand by Wangji watching from the floor, transfixed by curiosity and the memory of days long hunger, so Wangji picks him up and places him on a stool, or holds him as Wei Ying did once, so he can watch from a safe distance. He has never tolerated touch well, but he finds he doesn't mind holding Yuan, who sits quietly in his arms, one tiny hand holding the edge of his robes.