Under the sheets

Chapter 27 part 1; The edge

Dean and I helped Mara with the groceries, the whole time we were in front of her he flirted with his gaze, it felt the same as having his fingers run amok on my skin. Exactly the same.
I wanted to tell him to stop, to not do that because Mara would notice, but his eyes were for me only it was a secret, kept between me and him.
I was already so taken by those eyes, by that smile, the tattoos, the hair, and dare I say it? The bad boy disguise, He wasn't a bad boy at all, he was just...amazing!
I was grabbing as many bags as I could, because what kind of mad man makes more than one trip!?
-"careful, you don't want to drop those," he said as he took the carton of eggs from my hands, gently grazing my fingers, I bit my lip by instinct, almost as if to spark the memory of what one of his kisses felt like, how it tingled and lingered long after he parted his lips from mine.
I rolled my eyes profusely. No way! no way in hell! I lightly slapped my cheeks as if to wake myself up from this dream, there was no guarantee that he was mine, absolutely not, I'm not even sure if he had a girlfriend back in Cali and he was playing me. so why was I acting like I was his? this was unbelievable, for the first time in forever, I was doubting my every move, my every thought, my every emotion. but could I be blamed for being on my guard? he practically showed up in my life uninvited, unexpected, I knew nearly nothing about him.
I looked at his back while we walked inside the house, I took special note at how defined his shoulder blades were, even through his shirt, the way his shoulder widely extended and his dark mane, loose and wavy, carefree like him, I wonder why he chose to let it grow, I swallowed, no way this man was single. guys like Dean have girls crawling all over them. I furrowed my brows, yet another excuse to why I should put him down and walk away slowly, slowly.

Dad came home later that night, I hadn't seen him in a while so I felt those familiar flutters of when I was a child and he got back home from work, an ancient feeling. Dad sat on my bed as he questioned me about my day, he smiled patiently as I told him, we always had things to talk about, my dad was practically my best friend, I could talk to him about anything and everything. Well, maybe not about Dean.
-"and you let them in the house?" he scolded me concerned,
-"It's fine dad, I trust them, they are not bad people!" I tried to explain, I furrowed my brow as I thought -"They showed up and I was home alone, and I guess I really wanted the company" I battled with my brain, trying to remember if I even gave Pearl, Steph or Yada my address but for the life of me I couldn't remember. I dropped the thought in the back of my head I most likely did tell her and must have forgotten.
-"and a band?" he asked in disbelief. I nodded
-"Yes dad, a band! and it's really cool, okay?" Dad had a puzzled look on his face, but then gave me a half-smile. there was a silence between us, a rest.
-"are you happy?" he asked me catching me off guard. I felt silly that the first thing I thought about was Dean, very fucking silly.
-"Yeah...I'm okay" he smiled back at me I could tell the worry was fading away from his face, I was glad that I could put him at ease at least, that I could make him not worry about me. he had enough already.

I was looking at the ceiling My head spinning as I thought about how Dean's fingers ran through me, how they locked on to every part of me, how close I was to that ledge, how badly I wanted to fall off it, to believe it was safe to jump. I rolled over and saw the crumpled piece of paper resting on my nightstand. Joshua Lindor, my problem. and suddenly the big numbers flashed before my eyes like a casino slot machine, 10k 10k 10k. I could hear the bells, I could see what I was worth.
I reached over and uncrumpled it on my hands I closed my eyes. If I call him that meant that I was gonna let him in.

Fuck it.

The sound of the phone ringing was deafening, as I walked back and forth in my room, I couldn't believe I was actually going through with this, Calling some guy I bearly knew because I wanted to know why sex with me was worth 10k points in some pseudo social cruel game. A myriad of emotions going through me simultaneously.
-"Hey!" Josh's voice flooded my phone speakers and I felt the butterflies inside my entrails. Why was I so nervous anyway?
-"Hey Josh" I greeted him
-"Can't come to the phone, don't leave a voice message because I'm not gonna listen to it. Just text me" The tone cut through Josh's voice unceremoniously.
Classy Josh very Classy, so much for "never not answering." Well, there is nothing I can do, nothing I could do but wonder.

It was 20 minutes pass 11:00, midnight shy around the corner, when I turned my attention towards the door, Dean. He was about to tell me something right before Mara walked in and now, I stand in complete bewilderment, what was that boy going to say? I was owed that compensation at least after he so gallantly dissected my body and even heart right at the foot of my bed. But I didn't want to know out of sheer bulgar curiosity, I felt...so much more, I wanted Dean in the palm of my hand as he had me.
I was done pretending, I was done asking myself how good is he for me, I was done with the chase and no satisfaction, I decided right there and then, that if I wanted Dean I was gonna jump right for him, I was going to let my self walk right off that ledge, I wasn't going to worry about hitting the ground. That's a matter not concerning me, but the truth was I was tired of the person I was and I was just trying to get out of my self.

I walked towards the door and each step was becoming lighter, as the thought of me, doing something off-script was exuberating, my hand flew to the handle and as I pulled, the door was pushed. Dean's Face came in to view and his smile was enough to make me doubt my courage, I felt like I was going to puke butterfly wings for weeks. I quickly averted my gaze making my self promises null. why was I like this?

-"You were going somewhere?" he asked, implying in his little Dean tone, he pulled his lips into a half-smile, as if he had just discovered something I didn't know, I can't help it, Maybe I was looking at him wrong, maybe my eyes were on backwards but which part of him was it that I became a bumbling fool for? okay, no big deal, I'll just pick my dignity off from the floor, last time I saw it was near the foot of my bed.
-"I was going to go demand you for the two personal stories you owe me" I stud my ground because he needs to know that I was still in control, even if it was on the surface.
His chest rumbled with laughter, genuine, unguarded laughter. I looked on in awe, because the more time I spent with him, the more I got to see of his sides, the less of a caveman he seemed to be
-"Well, I was coming here to do just that, Don't worry keep my promises." he sang in his tone of arrogance as if he was a charming prince. I rolled my eyes, of course, he'd act like this even when he's the one that owes me.
He grabbed my hand, prickles went through me like lightning, my ears grew warm, I didn't dare let go of his hand though.
-"Come to my room" His invitation, daring me to willingly place myself into the wolf's mouth, I couldn't look away from his eyes, as they went passive, warm, patient.
I bit lip, my hand in his, warmer, kind, safe. he was asking me, it wasn't in his brash nature, yet, the choice was mine to make.
-"okay" that was the end of me, I was gonna let myself fall off that edge.