Miles (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 28

At around 3:30 on Christmas morning, I'm woken up to the man lying next to me thrashing around in the small bed that the two of us were occupying. He's making indescribable noises that sounds like he's trying to scream but he wasn't able to. I shoot up onto my knees to loom over him as I realize that he was still asleep and having a pretty bad nightmare. I put my hands on his chest and start to shake him awake. "Julian! Wake up!"

After a few times of trying to get him to wake, his eyes shoot open, filled with fear and pain as he stares up at me. He looks around as he tries to figure out what was going on. His chest heaves as he breathes heavily, trying to calm his panting down from his nightmare. Once he sees my worried face, his hands come up to grab my shirt and pull me down on top of him as he starts to just sob into my chest. My eyes widen since nothing like this has ever happened between the two of us. I mean, he's mentioned before that he used to have pretty bad night terrors, but nothing this bad was what I had imagined.

"Hey, you're okay, I'm right here," I whisper into his ear, holding him close to my body as I run my hands through his hair to give him goosebumps all over his body to help him calm down. I suddenly realize that we might be waking up my sister and mom, but I wasn't too worried about them. I was worried about the man that laid underneath me as he sobbed into my shirt.

"You're gonna leave me," he whispers through his sobs. I place both hands on his cheeks to force him to look up at me. When I see his face, there were tears smeared on it and his face was red, probably from trying to suppress the noises from leaving his body. I place the softest kiss I can on his lips before looking back at his face as he was filled with fear and pain.

I was suddenly overcome with the feeling that he was more fucked up than I realized. He's been through so much shit in his life that's left him scared that the people around him will just leave him or slowly start to slowly hate him for who he is. I knew that telling him that I might leave him when we fought about the Brendan thing definitely made those thoughts even worse, but it just came out. Now that I know that that was something that triggered these thoughts, I vowed to never say those things whenever we fight or anything. 

Every single time I bring up his parents or anything about his past, he's looked hurt. He's still filled with pain from all of those things and there's probably even more that have happened that has left him scared. He had a good reason to think that I would just up and leave him, even though I knew I wouldn't unless he gave me a very good reason to. I tighten my grip on his face as he sniffles while looking up at me. "I'm not going to leave you, Julian. I'm here. I am in love with you and I'm not leaving. Unless something happens between us, you have nothing to worry about because I'm staying right here."

He sniffles again before burying his face in my chest again. I kiss the top of his head as I start to massage his scalp with my fingertips as he lets out a sigh. "I know that. I'm just terrified."

"I know and you have every right to be, but I seriously am right here. You've shown me something new, Julian, you've helped me become a better me, so why would I just give that up? Why would I give up such a perfect man?" I whisper to him, pulling back to look at his face. He smiles lightly before pulling me down to give me another kiss, this time it left me breathless. He pulls away from my lips before holding me close while wrapping his arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry for waking you," he whispers, pulling back from the hug to set his forehead against mine. He was being extra affectionate from all the emotions running through him and I loved it. I love whenever he was in these moods that he just wanted to be close to me, when nothing else in the world mattered. 

"Don't worry about it, it's not like you could've controlled it," I whisper, moving some hair out of his face as he rolls us over so I was laying next to him instead of on top. He sets his hand on my waist before letting his eyes flutter closed again. I watch him as his breathing evens out while he tries to fall back asleep and after a few minutes of trying, he opens his eyes back up to look at me. I smile, running my thumb over his lips before sliding it down to his neck. "can't fall back asleep?"