Sorry this took a while IcyMidnight I was re-reading a bit of the series to catch up. But this is a Wings Of Fire OC! Enjoy!
NAME: Sphinx
Cool name!
WHY: I love mythologies (greek, roman, egyptian, norse, etc) so the name Sphinx was was pretty appropriate name except her merciless, treacherous personality.
Alright!
AGE: 6 years
K, young one but makes sense later on.
GENDER: female
Ok.
SEXUALITY: straight
I have no quarrels with this.
TRIBE: sandwing (though she's a hybrid)
Being a hybrid is overused but if it has plot points later on I'm fine with it.
RANK: citizen
K, I'm fine with this.
PERSONALITY: grumpy, hardly trusts anyone, loyal and honest. She's also pretty vengeful.
This is pretty good but 'honest' with 'hardly trusts anyone' doesn't work. Maybe brutally honest would work, like pointing out obvious flaws that no one would do because of kindness, that more fits her. But just plain 'honest' does not because she would never get close enough to anyone to feel comfortable telling them things.
FAMILY:
mom: Moonswirl; dark blue scales, blue eyes and swirls in her wings.
Ooo she sounds pretty, though she has -moon as the start of her name which kinda bothers me because of Moon from the books but that could just be a popular name?
dad: Prince Sanstorm; son of Queen Thorn and Smolder. Pale yellow scales, dark eyes and barbed tail.
Mmm, what color eyes?
siblings:
sister:
Nightstar: dark blue eyes, black scales swirl under her wings and breath fire. Weak mind reading.
Wait, wait, wait. NIGHTstar? The Nightwings are one of the tribes she's from... this bothers me.
brothers:
Marvelous: dark scales, dark eyes and a barbed tail.
I love his name, but define what color 'dark' it. Gray, blue...
Scorpio: light yellow scales, blue eyes and a barbed tail.
K.
BACKSTORY: Sphinx saw her mother die right in front of her. Killed by Sandstorm, himself in order to clean his former crimes (having children with a nightwing). Cause, Moonswirl WAS an assassin all under hiding, ect.
Stayed alone most of her childhood. Stole food thanks to mindreading skills. Was asked to go to Jade Mountain Academy. Stayed there for a while,made friends with a rainwing named Paradise. Graduated. And is now traveling through out Pyrria. Visiting Paradise when she passes the rainforest
How is she treacherous? What happened at her school? How did she become friends with Paradise? Any other struggles? I feel like I could write an entire novel on Moonswirl but can't on the actual OC entered!
Rating 7/10. A little more work on her, here's some things to work on;
-The 'honest' trait.
—moon. I didn't take off points but just putting this here for food for thought.
-the 'dark' dilemma.
-umm... -Night as part of a name, doesn't really work cuz' Nightwings.
-More backstory, like her time at school, her coping with her mother's death, etc.
You can see all the reasons above. Thanks for submitting her. And all your submissions. I enjoyed rating them, I hope this helps you! Hope your day is wonderful my friend, thanks!
-Punch
