Name: Spottedpelt
I like that name especially since he is tom, nice.
Why:He has spots of red and black him(calico). He is an average fighter and forager,hence the standard suffix of -pelt.
Being a male calico is kind of something that happens in the fandom a lot because of it's very rare in real cats. I don't mind this though because you have you OWN universe where only one or two of these cats may exist. I don't get why people don't get this, not a criticism as I am basing this rating off of you not on the crutches of others.
Age:22 moons at the end of Ash sky's Mate.
Good age, I imagine he lived to a lot older than that(?), it would be informative if you said his final age and not his current, or at least a ballpark estimate of where the final age may be if you haven't planned it yet.
Rank:Warrior
Ok.
Gender: Tom
K.
Sexuality:Homosexual with biromantic tendencies
Fits.
Clan: StoneClan
Not the most original, but we're comparing you to you, not others besides the books. So yeah it's a little bland and I wouldn't really be super enhanced by a name such as this. I mean it's fine, but it's not the most interesting ya know?
Personality: Optimistic,maternal,prone to panicking,emotional
This is a cute personality, though if it was more elaborated on that would be better, by all means, don't change the personality, but just explain it more you know. Here I'll give you a little help; Spottedpelt is mostly optimistic in the face of bad things and will care for his friends like a mother would. Though he cares for his friends like a mother, he is prone to panicking in the face of even a minor inconvenience and is rather emotional about these inconveniences or just things that are overwhelming in a feeling of something. <—— Shape that as you will :).
Family:
Mother:Leafheart
That's a very pretty name :) I love it. She must be adorable!
Father:Kitefeather(later-star)
Kitefeather is a great name, so cool! But, being the son of a leader? I'm a bit apprehensive of that kind of thing, and I usually say that you should only put it if it has some important relevance. It may later, but since that was a team up he probably just didn't want to lose 5 warriors.
Sister:Robin fur
Cute name, but robins don't have fur XD it's warriors though, it doesn't matter.
Brother:Jaypaw,Finchstar
Again, a family member as leader... I'll only add it if it has relevance, also, Kitestar would have a very short reign. This was his FIRST litter and when Spottedpelt is 22 moons he is not the leader yet. If Finchstar was to allow his father to have a long reign, he would most likely be old when he became leader, maybe it should jump generations or something?
Backstory:As a kit,ThunderClan attacked StoneClan. Robinkit was injured but survived.The day he became a warrior,Robinfur murdered Jaypaw.He and several other cats murdered her.Later,his mother died of complications in birth of her second litter of kits. Kitestar eventually died;he wasn't very close to him.He never had kits due to the fact he was infertile.
It's so short and not expressing the story! Why did they kill Jaypaw, cannon clans? What did Kitestar die from? Did Spottedpelt ever get a mate? It all seems super unfocused and more like it would be a bulleted list rather than a summery of a story. It's interesting but not explained in the things they do.
Overall I'd say this oc is a 6/10, though I enjoyed much of it, I had some problems with it.
•Death age(?)
•bland name of clan
•explain personality
•family leaders(?)
•under explained backstory
You don't have to take these into account but, they'll keep your brain quelled for a while hopefully :). Keep working on his story and he could be a almost perfect oc, of course keep in mind others have different opinions. These are mine so you don't have to listen to the ramblings of a Wattpad user. Check this user out :)
-Elle (my newly changed name ;))
