Electric

chapter nineteen

"Look, love, I haven't told you something I've been instructed to." Parker says once I've followed him to the courtyard. We walked all the way here in silence and these are the first words he has spoken to me since after seeing my suit. He did hold my hand the whole time, though. But those words are not a good start to a conversation.

    "What?" I ask and he lets go of my hand.

The loss of his skin against mine is sudden and I have no time to hide my disappointment. Parker gauges my reaction carefully while my hand flutters toward his quickly then goes back to my side. His eyes stare at my hand but there's something about his expression that throws me off. It's an expression that makes him look peaceful, almost happy. A happy Parker is better than anything I've ever seen.

"There has been a lot of talk about you amongst the men." He explains and I raise my eyebrows. He takes a seat on the pavement. "The soldiers were unsure about you when you first arrived. Most thought you were a liability and/or mentally unstable. Now they think otherwise. It's quite amazing how much you have affected these men, love. You are an inspiration, some might say." I take a seat next to him.

"What are you talking about, Parker?" My voice is firm as I ask him. He reaches over and captures my hand in his yet again. He pulls it to his lap and traces the lines of my palm, drawing lines that make me shiver.

"Miles is no longer enlisted in the army and that means that we are one soldier short." He pauses. "We need someone to lead one of the battle squads into combat. We need a frontrunner that will command a small tactical squad."

"Okay...I still d-don't understand." I stammer feeling the lines of my palm being set to fire. Is he aware at how completely and utterly senseless his touch is making me?

"Let me rephrase it then." His eyebrows furrow in thought. "Our army needs another Officer and I have let the men decide who is best fit for this position."

"Alright. Who did they choose?" Do I even want to know the answer?

"You." His tone is calm and cautious. With just that one word, my head spins and I snatch my hand away from him. He frowns at his now empty palm and I glare.

Me?

"Who gave them that idea, Parker?" My voice comes out too high and way too harsh. I can hear my own panic. "Why the hell would they choose me? They've been with each other for years so I don't believe that they would choose me over their fellow comrades. One of them has to be favored above me." I stand up as my eyes narrow in his direction. Yep. I am definitely panicking now. This whole war thing is Freaking me out. Yes, I've been training, but I've also lived in a padded cell most of my life. Even the thought of going out and waging war against others is erroneous to me.

"I don't want to lead a squad." I know I sound like a little girl throwing a temper-tantrum but I don't care. "I don't want that but no one seems to be asking me what I want. Do they, Parker? Never once have I been asked what I want and I'm starting to think that it doesn't even matter. I'm so sick of it. Tell your men I'm not an option. I'm not a choice as their 'Officer' and I never will be." I'm stomping away like a teenager being told they're grounded, my whole body is in panic mode, and I can hear Parker's feet following me.

"Stop." He commands and I do. I stop right there with my hands trembling and my head shaking up at the sky. A bluebird flies in and out of my view.

This is it.

After everything I've been through, this is the final straw. I'm too broken to lead a squad of men into war. I don't even think I can be in this war. It's too much pressure. I'll be the fault of lives lost. I'll be to blame. I'm too tired to even try. Most of all, I'm sick of everyone telling me how to live my life. Never once have I gotten a choice in my life. No one has ever stepped back and asked me which path I want to take.

They put a blindfold over my eyes, threw me over their shoulders, and made the decisions for me. Well, I'm taking the blindfold off and there's nothing they can do about it. This is my life now and I will be the one at the steering wheel. I'll even shove them in the trunk if I have to. Trying not to cry, I keep my head high and let the evening sun wash over me. In the distance, I hear the songs of birds and the hoot of an owl.

    "Listen," Parker starts.

    "What, Parker?" My voice trembles. "What can you possibly want to say to me?" At this, I whirl around to face him and that's when it happens. Those are the last words I speak before my whole world, everything I know, gets turned upside-down and inside-out. Everything that came before is unbearable and everything that comes after doesn't matter. Parker's hands press against the sides of my face and his lips finally catch mine.

    Sparks rain down as the electric fence makes a popping sound.

    At first I'm so surprised I remain completely still, my body refusing to move an inch, and Parker just kisses me. It's so soft and so gentle that I can't imagine these lips yelling at anyone. I can't imagine anyone fearing the words that come out of these lips like I used to. I can't imagine these lips touching anyone else's but mine because it's apparent that's where they belong.

    The soft kiss ends a little before the minute mark and Parker keeps his eyes closed as he breaks away. I can tell by his expression that he's upset. That's when I realize he thinks I didn't want him to kiss me. I didn't kiss him back so of course he thinks that. But he doesn't let go of my face. He just stands mere inches apart from me breathing against my mouth. He opens his mouth a millimeter to speak and I find my chance. I press my lips back to his and he breathes a sigh of relief. One of his hands goes down to my lower back and presses my body against his.

    But the eerie calm doesn't last for long. Soon enough, our mouths are moving and our bodies are pressing to get closer and closer and the sparks are flying and the birds are chirping and I trip over a star and his hand moves to cup the back of my head and I don't think I can take it much longer.

    What is going on?

    "Parker..." I whisper against his lips and the kiss slows down substantially. He breaks away and then his eyes flicker down to look at my lips before he kisses me softly once more. He rests his forehead against mine with his eyes closed and I attempt to catch my breath. Even though his breaths are a little uneven, he seems barely effected. My heart hammers in my rib cage and my rib cage rattles inside my body and I feel like I'm trembling again. Actually, my whole body is quivering.

    With that one kiss, my head seems to be spinning. I can hear the birds chirping and the wind rustling the leaves and the grass swaying gently in the sunlight and somehow I have managed to catch myself a shooting star and I have spent that one wish on balance because I feel so dizzy it isn't even funny. My heart is beating too fast to be humanly possible, but then again, am I really human? I think that I might fall because I'm not sure I have legs anymore since they're shaking so badly. Good thing Parker is holding me.

    "What do you want, love? Tell me and I will make it happen." Parker murmurs and words abandon me. The whole alphabet is lodged in my throat. "Anything, love. Anything to make you happy is yours." I press myself closer to him and he suddenly seems to realize I have nothing to say. I am stripped of letters and words, of sentences and paragraphs, of pages and chapters. General Parker of Division 64 has left me completely speechless. He nods his head seemingly getting it.

"Okay, love. That's okay." He assures.

    "You're apt for the position." He changes the subject and I laugh. Parker presses me closer like he can take my laugh and hold it to his ears for eternity so it's the only sound he will ever hear. "Just give it an attempt and if you find it incompatible, you won't have to proceed." After that, he dips his head down so his lips brush mine. I'm warming to the idea of Parker and I. Even though there's a war on our hands, there's a fire in my heart that nothing can distinguish. He breaks away to kiss the tip of my nose before speaking.

    "Is this satisfactory, love?" He asks and I laugh again. Then I use the one word I thought I would never use.

    "Yes, Parker, it's perfect."