Can't I Touch Your Heart?

Chapter 33 She With No Trust

Nikita kept her phone aside and pressed her face into her pillow, "Fuck you, Ember. Simping after Rhea all the goddamn time!"
The next day at school, she looked for Rhea. She was nowhere, everything was chaotic like all other Wednesday mornings, when everyone wore a white uniform and those who didn't were hiding in the bathrooms, escaping their PT teacher, Mr Tejab.

Nikita ran towards the art room and looked inside through the glass door. Rhea and Neel stood side by side with a paintbrush in their hands, "That field we went to yesterday, let's paint that,"
"Don't wanna. Fuck off,"
"Aw come on, I wanna see how both of us look at the same world,"
"I ain't pastel, you know that,"

Nikita just stared at her ponytail, "Look at this bitch, flirting with every guy she can lay eyes on. First Ember, now Neel! What a whore!"
Rhea turned back and looked at her, "Oh hi Nikita!"
Nikita smiled, "Hello,"
She walked towards the door, "Wanna see me paint?"
"Yeah, sure. I wanted to skip the assembly anyways. I'm wearing the wrong uniform,"

Rhea laughed, "Come on in,"
Neel took a black palate and began painting, Rhea painted through a green palette. Nikita sat beside her on a stool and looked at both of them. They could hear the prayer songs being played on the ground outside, and everyone singing along with the music teachers. Nikita closed her eyes to breathe in the calmness and stillness that the art room had to offer.

"Nikita," She heard her name and opened her eyes. Rhea stood before her, "The bell rang already," She could hear all the noise outside the room, "Let's go," Rhea smiled.
Nikita looked around, "Where's Neel?"
"He went to wash our paintbrushes,"

"You didn't?"
"He said he'll wash mine. I just used two anyways. He used like ten,"
"When did you got so close with Neel Dewan?" Nikita laughed and got up.
"He took me for a ride the other day. We talked quite a bit, he's not as bad as I thought he was,"

"You really get along well with boys," Nikita spoke in a condescending tone.
"Naw, if anything, I'm shy in front of boys,"
Nikki rolled her eyes and continued walking. She seemed lost in her own world that day. Rhea realized it and finally asked her what was wrong. They stood beside her bicycle, ready to go back home.

"I confessed to Ember," Nikki started as she stared aside.
"Oh, what did he say?" Rhea smiled and unlocked her bicycle.
"He doesn't like me like that,"
Rhea's heart felt relief but that feeling also made her look at herself as a horrible person.
"I'm sorry," Rhea looked at Nikita.

"You should be," Nikita said, "Because he obviously likes you, Rhea!"
"Me?" She blushed, "Did he say that?"
"No, but I know it," Nikita said, "This is so annoying. Why is every dude running after you, like Jesus? Fine, you're tall and you look good, but what about others?!"

"...I-What?"
"Don't act like you don't know. Bet you're looking down on me just like him because I'm dark and ugly!"
"I never said that!" Rhea retaliated.

"But you think that! You think I'm fat and ugly! I really loved Ember," She began crying, "And I had a crush on Neel too, but the people I love are never looking at me. Because there are always prettier people. Pretty girls like you, who don't need makeup to look good. Every time I look at you, I feel so...insecure. You make me feel so bad about myself. You're everything I'm not and I hate you for it, you whore! I wish I knew how it is to be insanely pretty, just for one day, and then I'd show you!"

"Nikita, looks don't matter-"
"Yeah, only good looking people say that. Ever heard an ugly person say that? No! Because they do matter! No one falls in love with your personality!"

"You say that because you have an ugly personality with an ugly face," They heard and Rhea turned back. Neel stood beside his bicycle.
"Neel! Why would you say that?!" Rhea yelled and Nikki ran away, "Nikita!" 
"Let her be. She's blaming her insecurities on you,"
"I feel so bad for her..."

"You're such an idiot! She was so mean to you and you're worried about her?"
"She's hurt. I should probably help her, what if-"
"No, you dumbass!" He grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "She's being honest! Don't you fucking see? She never liked you! She was just using you! Why are you so nice to such toxic people?!"

"Because she is my friend..."
He shook his head and punched his fist on his palm, "Fuck!"
"Maybe, she's a good person. She's just sad,"
"No, Arorhea, listen, okay?"
"We should help her. Maybe I can-"

"Fucking listen, okay?" He tried to calm himself down, which was clearly not working, "Sometimes Arorhea, you just have to accept that some people are shitty humans and stop trying to see the good that isn't there. Realise your worth, dude. Sometimes, no matter how good you are to people, it won't make them good to you. And I know it's sad, and I know it hurts, but that's just the way it is. Some people are just shit, no matter how much you wish they weren't, they just are. And nothing you do or say will change that,"

"...But, I just wanted a friend..." Rhea looked into his eyes, right on the verge of tears.
Neel's green eyes mellowed under his black bangs as little fragments of their past ran across his mind. He smiled and gently patted her head, 
"Well, here I am, just like last time,"
She looked at his face, "I want you to promise me something,"

"What?"
"You'll make up with Ember again,"
He rolled his eyes, "I'll see. Get on the bike now. It seems like it's going to rain again,"
"It's a promise, okay?" She got on the bicycle and he sat before her, without uttering a word.

Slowly, it turned dark and it began raining. Ember stood before the glass wall and looked at a silver thread in his palms. He could see the darkness and the rain, but he couldn't hear it. His vision began growing hazy. He rubbed his eyes as dark spots occurred before him. He rubbed them harder until he was able to see clearly again.  He turned back, "Oh yeah, I forgot,"

He walked towards that table in the dark corner and tore open a paper packet. He picked up a glass tumbler and then kept it back again, with his teeth clenched tightly. He pressed both his hands on the table, "...I'm so weak,"

-To be continued

Can't I Touch Your Heart?
Teach Me The Art of Living