Can't I Touch Your Heart?

Chapter 44 Disappearing For A Bit

Rhea ran into her room and shut the door. Her mother looked at Noor, "What happened to her?"
She jumped on her bed and dug her face into the pillow, crying silently. She looked aside at the photo frame with a picture of her and Ember, ten years ago.

"I can depend on you so easily,"
His smile faded away, "Of course, you can, Rhea. But, should you?"
"What do you mean? Of course, I should. Don't you want me to?"
"I'd appreciate it if you don't," He smiled at her, "I want you to learn how to grow yourself like a sunflower, facing the sun and reaching it, not like lavender who can never climb up without a support,"

"But I want to depend on you," She said, "I like depending on you!"
"Stop it, Rhea," His eyes looked cold, "I can't be there with you forever. What if we fight and you and I don't talk again? Will you leave painting because I can't inspire you anymore?" 
"I'll never leave you,"
"You can't make your future decisions right now, Rhea. Think realistically, look at the sun, Rhea, don't you like how it glows?" She smiled as he held her hand and she slapped his hand away,

"You are my sun, Ember! You make me happy, you're the only one who does. I draw the sun because it- Why don't you understand, Ember? You're such an idiot!"
She got on her bicycle and paddled away.

She dug her face back into her pillow. 
Ember stood on that empty street, wondering if he had been too harsh. 
"Chuck, come pick me up. I ain't going to the class today,"

Rhea lay on her bed and Ember lay on his.
She turned and looked at the canvas boards, the sketchbook. She picked out the picture he made of her. She hugged it and lay quietly, tears still running down her eyes. Ember played with his silver necklace as he looked at the ceiling. He picked up his phone, "I'm sorry," He typed and looked at it for a bit. If he apologised now, all that would be pointless.

He erased it and kept his phone aside. Rhea got up and picked up the glass brush and walked towards the balcony. She wiped her tears and called out Neel.

He came out with a pencil in his hand "What do you want?"
She brought the paintbrush between them "Where did you get this from?"
"I already told you-"
"I don't want to hear lies, this time, be honest," Rhea looked into his eyes.
"Rhea, were you crying?"
"ANSWER ME, NEEL! I FEEL SO DONE WITH EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW, JUST ANSWER!"

"You gave it to me," He said.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"It's the paintbrush you gave me when you decided to stop painting... After Alicia died,"

Rhea looked at him with her eyes wide open "It's the brush I painted Alicia with?" Rhea asked.
"Yes. You threw it away after you decided to quit painting and move away but I picked it up and then I-"
"You give this brush which killed Alicia back to me?" 
"Because it was Ember's gift. I thought it would make you happy to have it back, since you love him,"

"Love? I'm done with him and you! I'm not doing this anymore," Rhea went back inside her room. She walked towards her desk and threw down the tiny paint jars on the ground. She cleaned up her table which was filled with paint and brushes and some pictures she had left incomplete. She crushed them and threw them into the dustbin. The paint jars broke and lay there as Rhea went to sleep.

'I don't want to see him again,'

When she opened her eyes and looked ahead, it was bright outside. The room wasn't dark anymore. It was six in the morning. She had slept for about twelve hours. Her limbs felt tired and so did her heart. She looked at the wall in front of her and at all the things on the floor. She looked at the fallen brushes and the dried up paint on the floor. She thought about what all had been going on. Her head was thinking clearly, maybe he just wanted her to find inspiration from other things so that she wasn't repetitive with her art. But she couldn't think of anything else.

Yes! Exactly!
He didn't hate her, he cared for her!
It was for her own good!

She checked her phone. Ember had texted at three in the morning, "We need to talk. Let's meet at that same park at five. I've got something important to tell you,"
She kept her phone away and looked at the floor again. That mixed mass of colours. All of them seem to form a beautiful kaleidoscope, she smiled, "Something is wrong with me,"

Mrs Laghari entered her room, "Oh my God! Your room is so dirty! Clean it after you get up! This paint is going to stain the floor! And why are these paintbrushes laying here? If you didn't want to paint, why would you waste money on all this? Arorhea Laghari, are you listening? I'm talking to you!"

Rhea just sat over her blanket, ignoring her. 
Finally, Mrs Laghari gave up and went away.
Rhea got out of her bed and tied up her hair. She brushed her teeth and took a bath. Mrs Laghari looked at her and then into her room. The day went by in cleaning her room. She couldn't bring herself to throw the paint away. Before she knew it, it was seven in the evening. She was two hours late. She got on her bicycle and paddled towards her crash course centre. The path seemed forlornly and she didn't wanted to see his face. But she reached the park. She knew how stupid he was so she ran into the park, knowing that he would be waiting for her.

It was dark and cold. She looked around and found Ember sleeping on a bench while listening to music on his headphones. She moved towards him and sat before him. She touched his face with her warm hands. He was alive like her, he was breathing like her, he too was human like her. How could she ever forget that "Do you cry like me too, Ember?" She asked.
He opened one eye, "Maybe I should,"
"YOU WERE AWAKE!"
"And you are late,"

"...Sorry,"
They both sat in the dark park, "We should go to the mall, you know. It is very dark here,"
"It's okay," Ember said, "The perfect environment for what I want to tell you,"
"But first, I want to tell you something,"
"What is it?" He asked.

"What if I say I can't paint, Ember? I'm a loser. I get frustrated when I think about you because all you want for me is to paint and that's the only thing I can't do. I'm afraid, Ember. I can bear hatred from anyone but you. Fear is an illusion, I know, but it's just so strong and hard to overcome. It...It hurts," She sobbed and hugged him, "Please don't go, Ember. Please let me depend on you. No one has ever made me this happy, please don't take that happiness away from me,"

He pulled her back and she looked into his eyes,

"You won't leave me, right?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes. He smiled and wiped her tears with his thumb. She didn't know what that smile meant, she couldn't figure him out. What was he thinking? What was he going to say? He caressed her head, "You broke your own rule,"
"What rule?"
"No touching,"

She laughed as tears continued flowing down, "That's a hard rule,"
He looked into her eyes as he brushed her hair down to their cuticle. Then he pressed his palms on her cheeks "I can never hate you, Rhea," He smiled. She smiled back and started giggling.
She looked at him, "Enough about me. What did you want to tell me?"

"Oh, nothing. Don't mind it,"
"Come on, tell me,"
"I...I think I forgot what I was gonna tell you," He laughed, awkwardly.
"Why are we both so stupid?" Rhea asked.

"I don't know," He looked up at the moon, "You should go home now. Your parents must be worried,"
"What about you?"
"I'll call Chuck," Ember said.

Rhea waved at Ember and paddled back home. He dialled a number and brought his phone near his ears, "I couldn't tell her,"
"But you should, Ember," Jack looked at Ember's medical papers in his hand, "I told you the therapy will take a while,"
"It's okay. She is used to me disappearing for a bit,"

-To be continued

Neel Dewan
Can't I Touch Your Heart?